Dear Husband,
FYI, dirty socks belong in the hamper, not on the floor. The same goes for dirty jeans, t-shirts, and underwear. Oh, and newspapers, magazines, and wrappers belong in the trash can, not on the floor. This is not the first time we have talked about this young man. Don’t pretend you don’t understand. I know you speak English.
Love,
The Woman Who is Tired of Sounding Like Your Mother
P.S. Don’t roll your eyes when you think I’m not looking. I have eyes in the back of my head. I can see you.
Dear Husband,
Late breaking news: I am the WIFE. That means that I am your partner. I am not the maid, I am not the secretary. You don’t pay enough for me to accept those jobs. It is only fair for you to pick up after yourself, and help me go through the junk mail tower on the mail table. We are equal in all things. Except bug killing. That’s all you.
Love,
The Woman Who is About to Put All the Dirty Dishes in Your Pretty New Truck, and Set Fire to the Mail Table So We Can Start Over
Dear Zoe and Sid,
When I put your toys away in the toy box, that’s where I want them to stay. You may take them out one at a time and play with them, but then you must return them to the box when you are finished. Contrary to popular belief, they do not belong placed carefully around the house on the floor so I can trip on them in the middle of the night.
Love,
The Woman Who Controls Both the Food and the Treats So You Better Do What I Say
Dear Husband,
The pantry cupboard is for storing food, not empty boxes that used to contain food. That’s what the recycling bin is for. When I look through the cupboards in the morning on my way out the door, there is nothing more frustrating than pulling out an empty box of granola bars. Seriously. It makes me want to hurt you. You can tell when a box is empty, right? So why on earth would you put it back in the cupboard?
Love,
The Woman Who Cannot Believe a Grown Man Could Let His Wife Starve on Her Way to Work
P.S. DO NOT say anything about the size of my behind. I DO TOO need a granola bar in the mornings, or else I will waste away and you will be sorry.
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2 comments:
ROFL!!!!!!!!!!!!!! naval gazing at it's finest did a series of letters like that and I laughed sooo hard. Yours are just as funny!
AND WHY WHY WHY do the idiot males in our homes put empty boxes back in the cupboards? I'm slightly horrified Dan's NOT the only one afterall. That doesn't give me much hope he'll change. Same goes for leaving ONE square of toilet paper on the roll so technically, he didn't use the roll and technically isn't responsible for needing to fetch a new roll. and hampers? Do they know what those are??????
ROFL!!!!! Thanks for the laugh K, I needed it today
LMAO!!! OMG so damn funny!! I love it! I too get so pisssssed off with empty boxes or just the crumbs in the cereal boxes...seriously!! My husband has a cereal fetish...it's real...he has like 6 different kinds of cereal he eats on a daily basis and continually leaves the empty boxes in the counter or shoved back in the cabinet. ANNOYING!!
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