It's my blog anniversary! I have been blogging now for one whole year. Though I haven't blogged every day, and I did have a lengthy absence, I've got well over 100 posts now. Some are good, some are awful, and some are just so-so.
I thought that today, if you'll indulge me, we would revisit some of my favorite posts from the past year.
1. I love this one. Important letter. I don't think I'm a very good writer, but this one was inspired. Unfortunately it was inspired by badly behaved freshmen last year.
2. This one is probably my all-time favorite, and I am not even the author! On our fifth anniversary, J did a guest blog entry for me. It's all about me, and what he likes about me. I love it! It's so sweet. It's called 5 years? Has it really been that long?
3. This one is all about language, and made up words. It also explains where the title of my blog comes from. The Language of Family.
4. These three all go together. They are about the first annual Hocking Gingerbread House Build-Off. J and I are good a lot of things, but apparently we suck at building gingerbread houses. Pity Points Suck Part 1, Part 2, and They DO exist!!
5. I was inspired by another blogger to write Hocking Household Memos. I think they're pretty funny. But then, I do have a strange sense of humor. It is not rare for me to crack myself up.
6. In a cranky snit one Saturday morning, I wrote Inertia. I had been up for a long time, and J was ignoring me and sleeping in like usual. When my house is messy, I am cranky. You'd think that J would have figured this out by now. Or maybe he knows, but just doesn't care?
7. I was inspired by a country song, I think it's by Brad Paisley, to write Letter to Myself at 17. This one I worked on for a long time. There's more I would add to it now, but I'm proud of it as it is.
8. Sorry, Dude is one of my favorites. It so clearly illustrates the dynamics between J and I. One of my daily goals really is to have him look at me, shake his head and say, "You are so weird."
9. Another post that shows the dynamics between J and I is Games we play. It's all about my warped sense of humor and need for passive agressive revenge. Water and electronics do NOT mix and Subtle differences go along those same lines. Like I said earlier, I crack myself up.
10. This one, What is this world coming to?, is from just the other day. I'm really not sure why I like it. I think it's some sort of sick self-torture.
If I missed one that you particularly liked, let me know in the comments section, okay?
Sunday, August 31, 2008
Friday, August 29, 2008
First week of school
It's a very late post tonight, I know. I'm sorry. I considered not posting, but then decided that I had to. I've had a post every single day for more than a month now, and I don't want to get out of the habit.
As you know, I just finished my first week of school. Wow. What a week. It went pretty well, but I'm so glad it's over! I always forget over the summer how mentally draining it is to be working with kids all day long.
Plus the first week is always crazy with kids being added to classes and then taken out of classes. Right now, my classes are ginormous. I have 30 seniors in my first hour class, and 24 in my third hour class. (Twenty-four isn't bad, actually, it's a pretty decent class size.) My block fourth, fifth and sixth hours has 30, 29, and 27 kids. I just agreed to pick up a sixth class and give up my prep period, but that will only be for a semester and my principal agreed to limit it to 15 kids and / or give me a para-educator. If he goes over 15, he promised to stay below 20, and guaranteed a para-ed.
We shall see. Counselors have let me know that I will most likely have kids in that class on Tuesday, but they will trickle in all week. I should be good to go by Friday. I'm actually sort of excited about this class for several reasons. First, it's a SMALL class. Those are always fun and really productive. Second, I taught this class after school last year, and very few kids actually came. I couldn't hold attendance or credit over their heads, it was purely voluntary. Now because it is during the school day and we've arranged for them to earn credit, they have to come. That makes my job much easier. Third, the extra money will be nice. I still have two more years until my car is paid off, but we only owe about one and a half year's worth of payments. I would like to be able to double or even triple the payments and have it paid off by the end of the school year.
The downside to picking up this class is that I lose my prep period which is VERY useful. Plus, my block teaching partners are sort of annoyed because we have a common prep period and planned to meet more regularly this year. Oh well. I can't get too worked up over it because I promised the Assistant Superintendent last spring that if he could fund it, I would teach it. He apparently found the funding, and now my principal is getting it all set up. Another downside to teaching this class is that in addition to all of my classes, I already am involved in about a million other things at SHS. I'm not sure where I'll find the time to do everything I need to do.
But, I'm working on routines and being more disciplined. As evidenced by the fact that though it's late, I still managed to get a post done today! I'm trying to think of a topic for tomorrow now...
Good night!
As you know, I just finished my first week of school. Wow. What a week. It went pretty well, but I'm so glad it's over! I always forget over the summer how mentally draining it is to be working with kids all day long.
Plus the first week is always crazy with kids being added to classes and then taken out of classes. Right now, my classes are ginormous. I have 30 seniors in my first hour class, and 24 in my third hour class. (Twenty-four isn't bad, actually, it's a pretty decent class size.) My block fourth, fifth and sixth hours has 30, 29, and 27 kids. I just agreed to pick up a sixth class and give up my prep period, but that will only be for a semester and my principal agreed to limit it to 15 kids and / or give me a para-educator. If he goes over 15, he promised to stay below 20, and guaranteed a para-ed.
We shall see. Counselors have let me know that I will most likely have kids in that class on Tuesday, but they will trickle in all week. I should be good to go by Friday. I'm actually sort of excited about this class for several reasons. First, it's a SMALL class. Those are always fun and really productive. Second, I taught this class after school last year, and very few kids actually came. I couldn't hold attendance or credit over their heads, it was purely voluntary. Now because it is during the school day and we've arranged for them to earn credit, they have to come. That makes my job much easier. Third, the extra money will be nice. I still have two more years until my car is paid off, but we only owe about one and a half year's worth of payments. I would like to be able to double or even triple the payments and have it paid off by the end of the school year.
The downside to picking up this class is that I lose my prep period which is VERY useful. Plus, my block teaching partners are sort of annoyed because we have a common prep period and planned to meet more regularly this year. Oh well. I can't get too worked up over it because I promised the Assistant Superintendent last spring that if he could fund it, I would teach it. He apparently found the funding, and now my principal is getting it all set up. Another downside to teaching this class is that in addition to all of my classes, I already am involved in about a million other things at SHS. I'm not sure where I'll find the time to do everything I need to do.
But, I'm working on routines and being more disciplined. As evidenced by the fact that though it's late, I still managed to get a post done today! I'm trying to think of a topic for tomorrow now...
Good night!
Thursday, August 28, 2008
What is this world coming to?
Awkward turtle. Until a month ago, I had never in my life heard this phrase. Now I've heard it in three separate instances, and I want to cry.
Here's how I first heard about this unfortunate phenomenon:
About a month or so ago, give or take a few days, J and I were out to dinner, and we were talking. He was telling me about a conversation that had occurred in his office that day. I can't even tell you what the conversation was about because I was too traumatized by what happened during his retelling of it. J said that one of the two girls who worked in his office was feeling left out of the conversation that a bunch of the guys were having, so she put one hand on top of the other and started twirling her thumbs. It pretty much stopped the conversation and when someone asked her what she was doing, she said, "Awkward turtle." Apparently the purpose of this ridiculous maneuver is to get the conversation started again or moved in another direction. Yeah, right. Like that happens. It's a conversation stopper if I ever saw one. I told J that he should never do that again. Ever. In fact, he should tell that girl she should never do it, either. Ever.
Here, judge for yourself. For those of you lucky enough to have never seen this before, well, your luck just ran out. Press play on the video below. Come on. You know you want to. It's like driving by the scene of an accident: you don't want to look, but you are compelled to. Just don't say I didn't warn you.
Answer me this: is that as stupid as I think it is? Please, for the love of all that's good, I hope you agree that it's dumb. If I'm the only one who thinks that, I'm going to cry.
Anyway, I told you that I have been subjected to this horror three times now. I told you about the first time. The second time was almost more disturbing than the first. I was at my in-laws' house watching the Olympic Opening Ceremony with C and Mom H. I was recounting the story, and waiting for C to be horrified that her big brother had actually imitated such a ridiculous thing. I'm halfway through the story, and I put my hands on top of each other to demonstrate, and C goes, "Oh! Awkward turtle! I know that! People do it at school."
Oh. My. God.
Seriously? You mean more than one person knows about this? Why?
Well, I told C the same thing I told J, that she should never do it. Ever. Then I retreated into my safe place in my head, hummed a little song, and did my best to erase the experience from my memory.
Unfortunately it didn't work.
I thought I was pretty well over it, though, until yesterday. It was only the second day of school and things were going pretty well. I have two classes of seniors and three classes of freshmen. (I'm about to pick up another class of seniors next week. I'm crazy to give up my prep period for it, but it is a WASL writing class for seniors who need to pass the WASL or they won't graduate. I couldn't say no to that. Plus I've heard the money for working a 1.2 contract instead of a 1.0 contract is pretty good. But I digress. )
I was wandering the room during my fifth hour freshman class, listening to them talking as they were working on their brainstorming. Out of the corner of my eye, I see one kiddo in the back of the room, doing awkward turtle. It took all of my self-control not to kick him out of class right then and there.
Oh stop it. I'm just kidding.
Sort of.
I wanted to kick him out of class, but what I did was hang my head and walk away. I went back to my safe place again, but didn't hum any songs. I didn't want my kids to think I'm crazy on the second day of school.
There's plenty of time for them to figure that out.
As if awkward turtle was not enough, would you believe there is also "TMI Turkey"? You've got to be kidding me.
I think I'm going to go hide under a rock.
Here's how I first heard about this unfortunate phenomenon:
About a month or so ago, give or take a few days, J and I were out to dinner, and we were talking. He was telling me about a conversation that had occurred in his office that day. I can't even tell you what the conversation was about because I was too traumatized by what happened during his retelling of it. J said that one of the two girls who worked in his office was feeling left out of the conversation that a bunch of the guys were having, so she put one hand on top of the other and started twirling her thumbs. It pretty much stopped the conversation and when someone asked her what she was doing, she said, "Awkward turtle." Apparently the purpose of this ridiculous maneuver is to get the conversation started again or moved in another direction. Yeah, right. Like that happens. It's a conversation stopper if I ever saw one. I told J that he should never do that again. Ever. In fact, he should tell that girl she should never do it, either. Ever.
Here, judge for yourself. For those of you lucky enough to have never seen this before, well, your luck just ran out. Press play on the video below. Come on. You know you want to. It's like driving by the scene of an accident: you don't want to look, but you are compelled to. Just don't say I didn't warn you.
Answer me this: is that as stupid as I think it is? Please, for the love of all that's good, I hope you agree that it's dumb. If I'm the only one who thinks that, I'm going to cry.
Anyway, I told you that I have been subjected to this horror three times now. I told you about the first time. The second time was almost more disturbing than the first. I was at my in-laws' house watching the Olympic Opening Ceremony with C and Mom H. I was recounting the story, and waiting for C to be horrified that her big brother had actually imitated such a ridiculous thing. I'm halfway through the story, and I put my hands on top of each other to demonstrate, and C goes, "Oh! Awkward turtle! I know that! People do it at school."
Oh. My. God.
Seriously? You mean more than one person knows about this? Why?
Well, I told C the same thing I told J, that she should never do it. Ever. Then I retreated into my safe place in my head, hummed a little song, and did my best to erase the experience from my memory.
Unfortunately it didn't work.
I thought I was pretty well over it, though, until yesterday. It was only the second day of school and things were going pretty well. I have two classes of seniors and three classes of freshmen. (I'm about to pick up another class of seniors next week. I'm crazy to give up my prep period for it, but it is a WASL writing class for seniors who need to pass the WASL or they won't graduate. I couldn't say no to that. Plus I've heard the money for working a 1.2 contract instead of a 1.0 contract is pretty good. But I digress. )
I was wandering the room during my fifth hour freshman class, listening to them talking as they were working on their brainstorming. Out of the corner of my eye, I see one kiddo in the back of the room, doing awkward turtle. It took all of my self-control not to kick him out of class right then and there.
Oh stop it. I'm just kidding.
Sort of.
I wanted to kick him out of class, but what I did was hang my head and walk away. I went back to my safe place again, but didn't hum any songs. I didn't want my kids to think I'm crazy on the second day of school.
There's plenty of time for them to figure that out.
As if awkward turtle was not enough, would you believe there is also "TMI Turkey"? You've got to be kidding me.
I think I'm going to go hide under a rock.
Wednesday, August 27, 2008
Evil eyes...
Kind of weird, but so funny! I loved this video the first time I saw it on America's Funniest Home Videos.
Sorry for yet another video post. Today was the second day of school, and though it's going well so far, I'm wiped out.
Two down, 178 to go...
Tuesday, August 26, 2008
Is it wrong that...2
I screen my phone calls? I know, I know, I'm horrible, right? You want to know something even worse?? If we aren't expecting someone, we don't even answer the door. We've had way too many high pressure salespeople come by, and we don't want to deal with that kind of stress. Dang cutiepie schoolkids selling crap I don't need but buy anyway because they're so sweet. And don't even get me started on the pizza guy. Sheesh.
P.S. If you have ever called me and gotten my voicemail, I promise, I wasn't screening YOU out! I was in the shower...or at work...or...
P.S. If you have ever called me and gotten my voicemail, I promise, I wasn't screening YOU out! I was in the shower...or at work...or...
Monday, August 25, 2008
Still not ready
Okay, I'm only admitting this to you: I'm not ready for school to start. Not at all. Not mentally, not physically, not socially. I'm. Not. Ready.
Oh, did I tell you that it starts tomorrow? Whether or not I'm ready? Sucks to be me, as the kids would say.
Don't misunderstand me. I've been teaching for seven years now. I've got stuff. We're going to get started tomorrow and the kids will be none the wiser. But I'm not ready. I need two more weeks of summer and then I'll be ready.
Today was Freshman Orientation. For the last four years I've been in charge of it. This year was phenomenal! My kids are amazing! I met with my executive mentors, the Go Team, last Wednesday. We went over the schedule, made some decisions, and divvied up tasks. I met with all 73 mentors on Friday for Orientation training. All of those mentors were back dressed in wild and crazy gear today, and ready to go! Thank goodness they're excited and ready. Because I'm not. (Have I mentioned that yet?)
We had about 250 freshmen show up, and things went flawlessly. My kids just handled business. For the first time, I had nothing to do. Every time I thought of something, by the time I found the kid who needed to do it, it was already taken care of. Everything. They even started stacking chairs after lunch without being told to.
It was beautiful.
After school I went to my friend's house, and she helped me hem my slacks. I bought a bunch of new pants for back to school. I've lost some weight, and my pants from last year no longer fit. I only had two pairs of slacks anyway. I wore jeans a lot last year. But this year I plan to dress nicer. I got some cute semi-casual slacks from Old Navy, and three pairs of really nice slacks from the mall. The only problem is that even the short or petite length are way too long. Man, I have short legs.
Anyway, I was there for a few hours and she helped me pin seven pairs of pants and then she hemmed them all for me. I have great friends. I don't have to go to work naked tomorrow.
Now I owe her big, but have no idea what kind of thank you gift I should get her. If you have any suggestions, please let me know...she doesn't drink coffee, so Starbucks is out. That's about the sum total of ideas I've had in the half hour I've been home. My brain is on overload, and I can't make another single decision tonight.
Tomorrow you'll see a post in the "Is it wrong that..." category. I'm hoping to do those periodically. I feel like tomorrow's post may be a bit of a cop out, but I know I'm going to be wiped out and not interested in looking at the computer again.
I'll talk to you on Wednesday. Wish me luck for the first day of school!
P.S. I'm still not ready...
Oh, did I tell you that it starts tomorrow? Whether or not I'm ready? Sucks to be me, as the kids would say.
Don't misunderstand me. I've been teaching for seven years now. I've got stuff. We're going to get started tomorrow and the kids will be none the wiser. But I'm not ready. I need two more weeks of summer and then I'll be ready.
Today was Freshman Orientation. For the last four years I've been in charge of it. This year was phenomenal! My kids are amazing! I met with my executive mentors, the Go Team, last Wednesday. We went over the schedule, made some decisions, and divvied up tasks. I met with all 73 mentors on Friday for Orientation training. All of those mentors were back dressed in wild and crazy gear today, and ready to go! Thank goodness they're excited and ready. Because I'm not. (Have I mentioned that yet?)
We had about 250 freshmen show up, and things went flawlessly. My kids just handled business. For the first time, I had nothing to do. Every time I thought of something, by the time I found the kid who needed to do it, it was already taken care of. Everything. They even started stacking chairs after lunch without being told to.
It was beautiful.
After school I went to my friend's house, and she helped me hem my slacks. I bought a bunch of new pants for back to school. I've lost some weight, and my pants from last year no longer fit. I only had two pairs of slacks anyway. I wore jeans a lot last year. But this year I plan to dress nicer. I got some cute semi-casual slacks from Old Navy, and three pairs of really nice slacks from the mall. The only problem is that even the short or petite length are way too long. Man, I have short legs.
Anyway, I was there for a few hours and she helped me pin seven pairs of pants and then she hemmed them all for me. I have great friends. I don't have to go to work naked tomorrow.
Now I owe her big, but have no idea what kind of thank you gift I should get her. If you have any suggestions, please let me know...she doesn't drink coffee, so Starbucks is out. That's about the sum total of ideas I've had in the half hour I've been home. My brain is on overload, and I can't make another single decision tonight.
Tomorrow you'll see a post in the "Is it wrong that..." category. I'm hoping to do those periodically. I feel like tomorrow's post may be a bit of a cop out, but I know I'm going to be wiped out and not interested in looking at the computer again.
I'll talk to you on Wednesday. Wish me luck for the first day of school!
P.S. I'm still not ready...
Sunday, August 24, 2008
Is it wrong that...
I stole two of J's Sports Illustrated magazines before he even had a chance to look at them because they had pictures of Michael Phelps on the covers? I promise I wanted them for the articles...
I stole this one...
I stole this one...
Then I stole this one...
Totally wish I had seen this one... I would have stolen it, too. I saw it at Wal-Mart, and told J we should buy it. He said he had it at home. Big fat liar...
Saturday, August 23, 2008
Love is a powerful thing...
Some of you may have seen it before, but today was my first exposure to this video. I think it speaks for itself.
Love is a powerful thing...
Love is a powerful thing...
Friday, August 22, 2008
One word only
The other day, Merrianne did a "one word" post and at the end she tagged everyone. I thought it looked like fun, so I thought I would jump on the bandwagon and do it too. You can only type one word answers.
Thanks, Merrianne, for the blog idea! (Even though we don't know each other and I totally stole some inspiration without asking...)
1. Where is your cell phone? purse
2. Where is your significant other? golfing
3. Your hair color? brown
4. Your mother? kind
5. Your father? reserved
6. Your favorite thing? reading
7. Your dream last night? disconcerting
8. Your dream/goal? baby
9. The room you're in? den
10. Your hobby? scrapbooking
11. Your fear? heights
12. Where do you want to be in 6 years? Vancouver
13. Where were you last night? home
14. What you're not? excited
15. One of your wish list items? TiVo
16. Where you grew up? Seattle
17. The last thing you did? ate
18. What are you wearing? clothes
19. Your TV? Olympics
20. Your pet? cats
21. Your computer? widescreen
22. Your mood? fantastic
23. Missing someone? husband
24. Your car? awesome
25. Something you're not wearing? shoes
26. Favorite store? bookstore
27. Your summer? over
28. Love someone? yes!!!!
29. Your favorite color? blue
30. When is the last time you laughed? today
31. Last time you cried? ??
32. Who you want to Tag? EVERYONE!!
Thanks, Merrianne, for the blog idea! (Even though we don't know each other and I totally stole some inspiration without asking...)
1. Where is your cell phone? purse
2. Where is your significant other? golfing
3. Your hair color? brown
4. Your mother? kind
5. Your father? reserved
6. Your favorite thing? reading
7. Your dream last night? disconcerting
8. Your dream/goal? baby
9. The room you're in? den
10. Your hobby? scrapbooking
11. Your fear? heights
12. Where do you want to be in 6 years? Vancouver
13. Where were you last night? home
14. What you're not? excited
15. One of your wish list items? TiVo
16. Where you grew up? Seattle
17. The last thing you did? ate
18. What are you wearing? clothes
19. Your TV? Olympics
20. Your pet? cats
21. Your computer? widescreen
22. Your mood? fantastic
23. Missing someone? husband
24. Your car? awesome
25. Something you're not wearing? shoes
26. Favorite store? bookstore
27. Your summer? over
28. Love someone? yes!!!!
29. Your favorite color? blue
30. When is the last time you laughed? today
31. Last time you cried? ??
32. Who you want to Tag? EVERYONE!!
Thursday, August 21, 2008
One foot in front of the other...
There are times in our lives that we get so caught up in the moment that we forget the big picture. You know, the whole "can't see the forest for the trees" saying. Or is it can't see the "trees for the forest"? Or is it "through" not "for"? I can't remember for the life of me.
That's not surprising, though, is it?
Anyway, as I'm frantically getting ready for school because I've thoroughly enjoyed my summer and did ABSOLUTELY NOTHING to prepare for the 2008-09 school year, I'm finding myself getting wrapped up in the little details and not looking at the whole picture.
Sort of like the people in this video.
If you ever find me in a similar situation, please, feel free to put your foot on my hindquarters and give me a shove in the right direction. I'll thank you for the reality check.
That's not surprising, though, is it?
Anyway, as I'm frantically getting ready for school because I've thoroughly enjoyed my summer and did ABSOLUTELY NOTHING to prepare for the 2008-09 school year, I'm finding myself getting wrapped up in the little details and not looking at the whole picture.
Sort of like the people in this video.
If you ever find me in a similar situation, please, feel free to put your foot on my hindquarters and give me a shove in the right direction. I'll thank you for the reality check.
Wednesday, August 20, 2008
Galloping Gertie? Or Pioneer Stereo?
Have you ever seen a commercial that was awesome? One that you wish you could see again but for some reason never do? That's happened to me a few times. It's really frustrating because there are very few commercials that I actually like.
You've probably heard that you can find anything on the internet. I disagree. I disagree because I have been searching the internet in vain for more than 12 years looking for one particular commercial. I've tried every search engine I can think of. I've tried every video place I can think of. But I've come up empty handed every single time.
Until yesterday.
I found it.
Okay, this commercial might only be funny to Washingtonians, but I'm hoping I'm wrong. There is a bridge that spans the Tacoma Narrows between Gig Harbor and Tacoma, WA. It is called the Narrows Bridge. (Original name, huh?) Well, there are actually two bridges there now...but that's a major rant for another time.
I've been crossing this bridge most of my life. It's not a fun bridge to drive over regardless, but if you've ever heard of "Galloping Gertie" this bridge is REALLY not fun. Back when the bridge was originally built, the engineers didn't factor in the wind that crossed through the Narrows. I don't understand all the sciencey stuff, but there was a problem with the wind frequency and the bridge, and the original bridge collapsed. They left the remnants below, and built a new bridge. It's one of the two there now.
Anyway, there is some film footage of the first bridge as it fell during a windstorm. Here is a video from YouTube. There is no sound, so don't turn your speakers up...
If I remember my history correctly, there were no human fatalities when it happened. That's why I feel okay about laughing hysterically at this commercial - every time I see it - because no humans were harmed in the making of it.
What do you think? Was it Galloping Gertie or Pioneer's amazing bass that caused the bridge to collapse?
You've probably heard that you can find anything on the internet. I disagree. I disagree because I have been searching the internet in vain for more than 12 years looking for one particular commercial. I've tried every search engine I can think of. I've tried every video place I can think of. But I've come up empty handed every single time.
Until yesterday.
I found it.
Okay, this commercial might only be funny to Washingtonians, but I'm hoping I'm wrong. There is a bridge that spans the Tacoma Narrows between Gig Harbor and Tacoma, WA. It is called the Narrows Bridge. (Original name, huh?) Well, there are actually two bridges there now...but that's a major rant for another time.
I've been crossing this bridge most of my life. It's not a fun bridge to drive over regardless, but if you've ever heard of "Galloping Gertie" this bridge is REALLY not fun. Back when the bridge was originally built, the engineers didn't factor in the wind that crossed through the Narrows. I don't understand all the sciencey stuff, but there was a problem with the wind frequency and the bridge, and the original bridge collapsed. They left the remnants below, and built a new bridge. It's one of the two there now.
Anyway, there is some film footage of the first bridge as it fell during a windstorm. Here is a video from YouTube. There is no sound, so don't turn your speakers up...
If I remember my history correctly, there were no human fatalities when it happened. That's why I feel okay about laughing hysterically at this commercial - every time I see it - because no humans were harmed in the making of it.
What do you think? Was it Galloping Gertie or Pioneer's amazing bass that caused the bridge to collapse?
Tuesday, August 19, 2008
Hallmark cards rock, pt. 6
Well, we have reached the end of my current stash of cards. I hope you have enjoyed my card collection. It makes me smile every time I look at them!
When I get more, I'll do another installation. I need to work on handing these out in the meantime!
You can see the first installation here, the second here, the third here, the fourth here, and the fifth here.
This is the card I gave J for our fifth anniversary. I scanned it a long time ago, but couldn't post it before then because he actually reads my blog! This is SO us...I'm a talker, he's not. I'm "touchy feely" he's not. He likes beer almost as much as he likes me. Sometimes it might even be a toss up which one he likes better.
When I get more, I'll do another installation. I need to work on handing these out in the meantime!
You can see the first installation here, the second here, the third here, the fourth here, and the fifth here.
This is the card I gave J for our fifth anniversary. I scanned it a long time ago, but couldn't post it before then because he actually reads my blog! This is SO us...I'm a talker, he's not. I'm "touchy feely" he's not. He likes beer almost as much as he likes me. Sometimes it might even be a toss up which one he likes better.
Oh, man. I can't wait to give this one to somebody for their birthday! It's too funny!
For all my shoe-lovin' sisters out there, this one's for you!! Though I gotta admit, I won't wear a pair of shoes that hurts...I kick 'em off as soon as I can!
I sent this to both of my sisters. It's us, no questions asked.
Shh...don't tell L, but I'm sending her this one in a minute. How funny is this!?!?
Monday, August 18, 2008
I don't want to learn, I want to know
My friend's 23-year-old son told her recently that he wants to know how to cook. Before she could offer to teach him, he continued by saying, "I don't want to learn how to cook, I want to just KNOW."
Man, if acquiring talent by magic was possible, there's a whole list of things I would want to do.
1. Cook. I, too, would like to know how to cook. If there aren't directions on the box, I can't do it.
2. Multi-lingual. I would love to be fluent in several languages. Spanish and Croatian to start. Maybe Chinese and Japanese for good measure. Oh, and I've always thought German would be cool.
3. Musical ability. I would love to be able to play guitar and sing. Piano wouldn't be bad, either, but you can't take a piano camping.
4. Dress. I would like to know how to dress myself. I can put on clothes all by myself, that's not my problem. My problem is shopping for cute clothes. I can't tell you how often I call my sisters, describe my outfit and ask if it's okay.
5. Sew. I want to know how to make things. Again, I don't want to learn, I just want to know. I can do a rag quilt (two down, two more to go!), but only barely. If you look at the front, it's awesome. If you look at the back, very few of the rows line up. I tried so hard on the second blanket, too. Oh, well.
6. Basketball. I've always wanted to play basketball. I'm too short and my hands are too small. Oh, and there's the coordination thing.
7. Water ski. I look like an old man with a hunchback when I try to water ski. I always wanted to be better, but never could stand up straight.
8. Fix computers. When something goes wrong, I always have to get someone else to take care of it for me. I wish I could do it myself.
9. Car maintenance. Wouldn't it be cool if you never had to pay anyone else to work on your car? It's such a hassle to take your car in and have someone else work on it. If the problem is severe, it costs a lot of money and a lot of time. I wish I could just do it myself.
10. Construction / general repair. Same thing about car maintenance. It's a hassle to get someone to come to your house and do work. It's not always fun to do the work yourself, but if I knew what I was doing, it might make a difference.
11. Juggle. I don't know why. I just want to know.
This is just a partial list. I'm sure as soon as I post it I'll come up with twelve more things to add to it, but for now, this will do. What do you want to know how to do if you could skip the learning curve?
Man, if acquiring talent by magic was possible, there's a whole list of things I would want to do.
1. Cook. I, too, would like to know how to cook. If there aren't directions on the box, I can't do it.
2. Multi-lingual. I would love to be fluent in several languages. Spanish and Croatian to start. Maybe Chinese and Japanese for good measure. Oh, and I've always thought German would be cool.
3. Musical ability. I would love to be able to play guitar and sing. Piano wouldn't be bad, either, but you can't take a piano camping.
4. Dress. I would like to know how to dress myself. I can put on clothes all by myself, that's not my problem. My problem is shopping for cute clothes. I can't tell you how often I call my sisters, describe my outfit and ask if it's okay.
5. Sew. I want to know how to make things. Again, I don't want to learn, I just want to know. I can do a rag quilt (two down, two more to go!), but only barely. If you look at the front, it's awesome. If you look at the back, very few of the rows line up. I tried so hard on the second blanket, too. Oh, well.
6. Basketball. I've always wanted to play basketball. I'm too short and my hands are too small. Oh, and there's the coordination thing.
7. Water ski. I look like an old man with a hunchback when I try to water ski. I always wanted to be better, but never could stand up straight.
8. Fix computers. When something goes wrong, I always have to get someone else to take care of it for me. I wish I could do it myself.
9. Car maintenance. Wouldn't it be cool if you never had to pay anyone else to work on your car? It's such a hassle to take your car in and have someone else work on it. If the problem is severe, it costs a lot of money and a lot of time. I wish I could just do it myself.
10. Construction / general repair. Same thing about car maintenance. It's a hassle to get someone to come to your house and do work. It's not always fun to do the work yourself, but if I knew what I was doing, it might make a difference.
11. Juggle. I don't know why. I just want to know.
This is just a partial list. I'm sure as soon as I post it I'll come up with twelve more things to add to it, but for now, this will do. What do you want to know how to do if you could skip the learning curve?
Sunday, August 17, 2008
Kaci is brilliante!! (and so am I!)
Kaci just gave me an award! She cheated, and gave them to more people than she was supposed to, but that's cool because I got one!
Unfortunately, since I don't know very many people who blog, and Kaci knows all the same people I know and more, I don't have anyone to pass it on to.
I'm going to cheat, though, and give it back to Kaci because she cracks me up. Look for us in London, 2012. We'll be "coaching" my sister-in-law in some random obscure Olympic event. (You'll recognize us because we'll be wearing "Phelps Phan" t-shirts, and ignoring our own athlete, scanning the horizon for Michael.)
I'm going to give it to Leah because she inspired me to start my blog, and has been a loyal reader for almost an entire year. Plus I've found all sorts of cool bloggers from her list. (Thanks!!)
My husband, J, gets this award, too. He guest blogged for me on our anniversary, and it was too sweet. Plus, I'm giving this award to anyone I want because I can.
Cattigan, because she's going to hook me up with some awesome candles! I'm pretty excited. J is not.
Shan, because I love her blog. I think we may have been separated at birth. She doesn't know that, though. When I read her blog, I laugh out loud. We can totally start a Guitar Hero Legends of Country revolution. We just need to figure out how to get started...
Saturday, August 16, 2008
How hot is it??
I thought yesterday was hot. I was wrong. Today is supposed to be 104. Good golly that's hot. Thank goodness we have the pool!! J and I are going to run up to the school today and arrange my classroom (thanks J!!), and then I think we'll come back, slather on some sunscreen, grab some water and a magazine and hang out in the pool for a few hours.
I always hate how hot it is when we go back to school. This year, though, the last few weeks haven't been too bad. Unseasonably cool, in fact. Though that means mid to upper 80s and low 90s. I still crack up when the weather reporter forecasts a cooling trend during the summer. The first summer I lived here and I heard that I got excited! Then I realized that in his eyes, a "cooling trend" meant that it cooled from 105 to 99. Thanks for getting my hopes up.
Then yesterday came along and it was 101. Next week, by the end of the week, we are supposed to "cool off" to the low 90s. I'm hoping that it will continue to cool, though. When it's really hot, the air conditioner at the school has a hard time adjusting to all the bodies in the building and the heat outside. It's either way too hot or way too cold in my classroom. Luckily, it's usually on the too cold side. But the rest of the building tends to be warmer. But that makes it not fun trying to figure out what to wear. If I dress for the weather, I freeze inside. If I dress for the temperature of my classroom I get sweaty outside and in some areas of the building. Then I'm worried about sweat marks on my shirt. Even worse, at the first sign of heat, my face turns beet red and my head starts to sweat.
I hate that during school. I'm always excited around October. Then we're back into normal temperatures. And, then, when the weather starts to get bad, the kids are more focused on school rather than wishing they were out boating on the river.
I always hate how hot it is when we go back to school. This year, though, the last few weeks haven't been too bad. Unseasonably cool, in fact. Though that means mid to upper 80s and low 90s. I still crack up when the weather reporter forecasts a cooling trend during the summer. The first summer I lived here and I heard that I got excited! Then I realized that in his eyes, a "cooling trend" meant that it cooled from 105 to 99. Thanks for getting my hopes up.
Then yesterday came along and it was 101. Next week, by the end of the week, we are supposed to "cool off" to the low 90s. I'm hoping that it will continue to cool, though. When it's really hot, the air conditioner at the school has a hard time adjusting to all the bodies in the building and the heat outside. It's either way too hot or way too cold in my classroom. Luckily, it's usually on the too cold side. But the rest of the building tends to be warmer. But that makes it not fun trying to figure out what to wear. If I dress for the weather, I freeze inside. If I dress for the temperature of my classroom I get sweaty outside and in some areas of the building. Then I'm worried about sweat marks on my shirt. Even worse, at the first sign of heat, my face turns beet red and my head starts to sweat.
I hate that during school. I'm always excited around October. Then we're back into normal temperatures. And, then, when the weather starts to get bad, the kids are more focused on school rather than wishing they were out boating on the river.
Friday, August 15, 2008
Bring home the gold
I think I've mentioned this already, but it's worth saying again: I love the Olympics. I think it's cool to see how the different host countries add their own flair to the games. The little touches here and there to make them uniquely theirs.
One of the most obvious places they do this is with the Opening Ceremony. Though I think they can go a bit overboard, they are usually pretty darn cool. I loved the Beijing Opening Ceremony. Almost all of it. The part where they lost me was when hundreds of Chinese men were wearing neon green bodysuits and climbing all over each other to create a representation of the Bird's Nest Stadium. It was okay, but then, their suits lit up and I started laughing. Can you imagine how many people tried out for that performance and then found out they'd be wearing stupid outfits that lit up? I wonder how many backed out...
Another place host countries add their unique touch is with the medals and during the medal ceremony. Beijing has taken this very seriously. I've heard varying reports about whether or not people like the medals. I think you either like them a LOT or hate them. I don't know if there's really an in between. Anyway, there are 34 girls who have been training for more than a year to present awards to the athletes. Seriously. They had to try out, and then went through some intense training. Including watching videos of past presenters, studying their outfits and their movements. Google it if you don't believe me.
Back to the medals. I liked the Athens medals a whole lot. I like how the ribbon is multi-colored. For some reason I really liked the laurel wreaths placed on their heads, rather than the bouquets of flowers in their arms. Here are two pictures of medals in Athens. The first is from 1896. The second is from 2004. Pretty cool, huh?
One of the most obvious places they do this is with the Opening Ceremony. Though I think they can go a bit overboard, they are usually pretty darn cool. I loved the Beijing Opening Ceremony. Almost all of it. The part where they lost me was when hundreds of Chinese men were wearing neon green bodysuits and climbing all over each other to create a representation of the Bird's Nest Stadium. It was okay, but then, their suits lit up and I started laughing. Can you imagine how many people tried out for that performance and then found out they'd be wearing stupid outfits that lit up? I wonder how many backed out...
Another place host countries add their unique touch is with the medals and during the medal ceremony. Beijing has taken this very seriously. I've heard varying reports about whether or not people like the medals. I think you either like them a LOT or hate them. I don't know if there's really an in between. Anyway, there are 34 girls who have been training for more than a year to present awards to the athletes. Seriously. They had to try out, and then went through some intense training. Including watching videos of past presenters, studying their outfits and their movements. Google it if you don't believe me.
Back to the medals. I liked the Athens medals a whole lot. I like how the ribbon is multi-colored. For some reason I really liked the laurel wreaths placed on their heads, rather than the bouquets of flowers in their arms. Here are two pictures of medals in Athens. The first is from 1896. The second is from 2004. Pretty cool, huh?
In Beijing, I LOVE the back of the medals. They are so unique! I suppose it helps that J is a geologist, so I've been forced to be around rocks for a long time, but the jade on the back is pretty cool. They just look nice.
Front of the current medals. 
Back of the current medals. The different colors of jade are pretty cool in my own humble opinion. 
This is the medal from the Winter Olympics in Salt Lake City just a few years ago. I think it's neat how the Roman numerals are what hold the medal to the ribbon. And the shape is different. It gets old seeing the same thing year after year after year...
This medal is from the Sapporo, Japan games in 1972. This medal was very simple. It's shape was unique, too. I like the simplicity. When things are way overdone and busy, I tend not to like them. Though I would never turn down the opportunity to win an Olympic medal...it'll never happen, I'm just talking.
This next one is from the Sarajevo Winter Olympics in 1984. Again, a unique shape and pretty simple medal. Plus, it's from the "land of my people." Well, not really as I'm Croatian, but close enough. Yugoslavia used to be one country, so this'll have to do.
This next one is obviously from Sydney in 2000. This one is a bit more traditional, but I liked it anyway. I'm really not sure why. Probably because it is a nod to the traditional, but it's still very clean lines and pretty simple. Some of the other medals are way too busy.
Talk about unique. Turin, Italy games, in 2006. I've heard these referred to as scratched dvd/cd medals. I sort of go back and forth with these. I love them then I'm not so sure. Then I love them, then I'm not so sure. Right now I am leaning towards loving them. They are very different and recognizable. They don't blend into the crowd of medals throughout history.
Now, if I could just figure out a way to win one of these things, I'd be a happy camper. My SIL, C, is looking for a crazy weird event that nobody really knows about or participates in. She figures on training like mad, and then winning a gold. If I coach her, do I get a medal, too? Maybe she'll share it with me?? We're not sure what event it will be yet, but I'll keep you posted.
Thursday, August 14, 2008
A little less talk and a lot more action
Back before even I was born, in the early 1970s, the International Olympic Committee got a new chairperson. One of the first things he did was get the ban on professional athletes in the Olympics dropped. The IOC decided to leave it up to the international federations for each sport to decide whether or not professional athletes in their sport would be allowed to participate. Almost immediately, professional athletes started competing in various events.
In 1989, the International Federation of Basketball took a vote of its members to decide if they would allow professional players to participate in the Olympics. It was passed overwhelmingly (something like 53-15 in favor), and pros were slated to play in the next Olympics.
Interestingly enough, the U.S. voted against opening the games up to professional athletes, even though it is obvious they would benefit immensely. An Associated Press poll around the same time found that only 58% of N.B.A. players said they wanted to or would be willing to play in the Olympics. The U.S. representatives in the IFB feared that allowing professionals to play would take away Olympic places from the college and high school amateurs they had been sending previously.
Well, duh.
As of 2008, the only sports that don't allow professionals are boxing and baseball. Boxing wants to use amateur rules because of safety reasons for athletes. Amateur rules emphasize the technical aspects, rather than power and strength. Also, boxers stand to earn far more money from Pay-Per-View bouts, so there's little incentive. Baseball doesn't allow pros to participate because the Olympics overlap with the All-Star games. What team is going to release their highly paid athletes to go chance an injury? (Though it is a moot point now, because the IOC voted to drop baseball and softball from the Olympic Games last week. Starting in 2012, they will no longer be a part of the Olympics. They may come back in the future, but for now, they're gone.) Even swimmers get money. If Michael Phelps wins his eight gold medals, he stands to earn a $1 million bonus from his sponsors. That's right, folks, a million bucks.
But I digress.
When the IFB opened the Olympics to professional basketball players, the U.S. assembled what quickly became known as "The Dream Team." It consisted of players like Michael Jordan , Magic Johnson, Larry Bird and Charles Barkley to name a few. It was every coach and fan's dream to have a team comprised of players of that caliber. It sort of goes without saying that The Dream Team dominated the competition, easily bringing home the gold.
In fact, according to www.nba.com/history, "Opponents didn't have a chance, but they didn't care. One player, while trying to guard Magic Johnson, was seen frantically waving to a camera-wielding teammate on the bench, signaling to make sure he got a picture of them together."
It's safe to say that The Dream Team changed basketball in the Olympics. For the better, in my opinion. They inspired people around the world to like basketball and to work harder. They changed the way the game was played. Competition has progressively gotten better. Also according to www.nba.com/history, The Dream Team's coach, Chuck Daly, said "Finally there will come a day -- I'm not saying it will happen anytime soon, mind you, but it's inevitable that it will happen -- that they will be able to compete with us on even terms. And they'll look back on the Dream Team as a landmark event in that process."
I don't know what Chuck Daly considers "anytime soon," but a mere four Olympics later, the Dream Team's legacy was shattered. In 2004 in Athens, American players came to the games cocky, rude, and selfish. They played like they didn't care, and they didn't want to be there. It showed. Their nightmare performance earned them the bronze. For the first time since 1992, America didn't win the gold medal in basketball. As a fan who loves the Olympics, I was embarrassed by their performance.
Now, don't get me wrong. There is nothing wrong with a bronze medal in my eyes. If the competition were fierce, and they had truly been outplayed, a bronze would have been an honor. I don't think they were outplayed, though. I think they were sloppy and selfish ball players who were in it for themselves. There was no teamwork, no team spirit, and no American pride. Just showoffs and showboating. I was embarrassed by them and for them.
This year, in Beijing, the U.S. Olympic Men's Basketball team is now called "The Redeem Team." They got this name because they are trying to redeem their record. They are aiming for the gold again. They are confident they can climb back to the top. Once again, there are incredible talents on this team. If they can actually work together, and mesh their talents, they will be difficult to beat. With players like Kobe Bryant, LeBron James, Dwayne Wade and Jason Kidd, they may even be impossible to beat.
I don't think they need to redeem their record, though. I think they need to redeem their reputation. Coach K, Mike Krzyzewski, and his players have their work cut out for them. Granted, there are only a handful of players returning from Athens, but regardless, that last team tarnished the U.S.'s reputation in basketball, and the new players will have to work hard to fix it. Dwayne Wade, one of the returning players has said that America is not cocky, just confident. "If you don't feel like you're going to win, you've lost already,'' he said. "People think the U.S. is cocky, but we're just confident we're going to win.''
Olympic gold is earned by hustle, hard work, teamwork (LOTS of teamwork), and a bit of national pride. A little less talk and a lot more action will prove if they truly are the Redeem Team they are billed to be.
So far, they've played China and Angola. They've won both games. It appears that they have better attitudes, and they are in Beijing to play basketball. Let's hope it continues tonight and beyond.
Win first, then talk.
In 1989, the International Federation of Basketball took a vote of its members to decide if they would allow professional players to participate in the Olympics. It was passed overwhelmingly (something like 53-15 in favor), and pros were slated to play in the next Olympics.
Interestingly enough, the U.S. voted against opening the games up to professional athletes, even though it is obvious they would benefit immensely. An Associated Press poll around the same time found that only 58% of N.B.A. players said they wanted to or would be willing to play in the Olympics. The U.S. representatives in the IFB feared that allowing professionals to play would take away Olympic places from the college and high school amateurs they had been sending previously.
Well, duh.
As of 2008, the only sports that don't allow professionals are boxing and baseball. Boxing wants to use amateur rules because of safety reasons for athletes. Amateur rules emphasize the technical aspects, rather than power and strength. Also, boxers stand to earn far more money from Pay-Per-View bouts, so there's little incentive. Baseball doesn't allow pros to participate because the Olympics overlap with the All-Star games. What team is going to release their highly paid athletes to go chance an injury? (Though it is a moot point now, because the IOC voted to drop baseball and softball from the Olympic Games last week. Starting in 2012, they will no longer be a part of the Olympics. They may come back in the future, but for now, they're gone.) Even swimmers get money. If Michael Phelps wins his eight gold medals, he stands to earn a $1 million bonus from his sponsors. That's right, folks, a million bucks.
But I digress.
When the IFB opened the Olympics to professional basketball players, the U.S. assembled what quickly became known as "The Dream Team." It consisted of players like Michael Jordan , Magic Johnson, Larry Bird and Charles Barkley to name a few. It was every coach and fan's dream to have a team comprised of players of that caliber. It sort of goes without saying that The Dream Team dominated the competition, easily bringing home the gold.
In fact, according to www.nba.com/history, "Opponents didn't have a chance, but they didn't care. One player, while trying to guard Magic Johnson, was seen frantically waving to a camera-wielding teammate on the bench, signaling to make sure he got a picture of them together."
It's safe to say that The Dream Team changed basketball in the Olympics. For the better, in my opinion. They inspired people around the world to like basketball and to work harder. They changed the way the game was played. Competition has progressively gotten better. Also according to www.nba.com/history, The Dream Team's coach, Chuck Daly, said "Finally there will come a day -- I'm not saying it will happen anytime soon, mind you, but it's inevitable that it will happen -- that they will be able to compete with us on even terms. And they'll look back on the Dream Team as a landmark event in that process."
I don't know what Chuck Daly considers "anytime soon," but a mere four Olympics later, the Dream Team's legacy was shattered. In 2004 in Athens, American players came to the games cocky, rude, and selfish. They played like they didn't care, and they didn't want to be there. It showed. Their nightmare performance earned them the bronze. For the first time since 1992, America didn't win the gold medal in basketball. As a fan who loves the Olympics, I was embarrassed by their performance.
Now, don't get me wrong. There is nothing wrong with a bronze medal in my eyes. If the competition were fierce, and they had truly been outplayed, a bronze would have been an honor. I don't think they were outplayed, though. I think they were sloppy and selfish ball players who were in it for themselves. There was no teamwork, no team spirit, and no American pride. Just showoffs and showboating. I was embarrassed by them and for them.
This year, in Beijing, the U.S. Olympic Men's Basketball team is now called "The Redeem Team." They got this name because they are trying to redeem their record. They are aiming for the gold again. They are confident they can climb back to the top. Once again, there are incredible talents on this team. If they can actually work together, and mesh their talents, they will be difficult to beat. With players like Kobe Bryant, LeBron James, Dwayne Wade and Jason Kidd, they may even be impossible to beat.
I don't think they need to redeem their record, though. I think they need to redeem their reputation. Coach K, Mike Krzyzewski, and his players have their work cut out for them. Granted, there are only a handful of players returning from Athens, but regardless, that last team tarnished the U.S.'s reputation in basketball, and the new players will have to work hard to fix it. Dwayne Wade, one of the returning players has said that America is not cocky, just confident. "If you don't feel like you're going to win, you've lost already,'' he said. "People think the U.S. is cocky, but we're just confident we're going to win.''
Olympic gold is earned by hustle, hard work, teamwork (LOTS of teamwork), and a bit of national pride. A little less talk and a lot more action will prove if they truly are the Redeem Team they are billed to be.
So far, they've played China and Angola. They've won both games. It appears that they have better attitudes, and they are in Beijing to play basketball. Let's hope it continues tonight and beyond.
Win first, then talk.
Wednesday, August 13, 2008
If you don't have anything nice to say...
Do you want to know what the worst part of the Olympics is? It's not the smog that covers the entire city of Beijing. It's not the crazy events like epee, synchronized diving, and badminton. It's not the media's obsession with Michael Phelps, Dara Torres, and Misti May-Traenor and Kerri Walsh. It's not even the way overdone, overhyped opening ceremonies. No, the worst part about the Olympics is the color commentary by the announcers. Seriously. So far I've watched softball, badminton, boxing, swimming (LOTS of swimming), men's gymnastics, soccer, water polo, synchronized diving, bicycling, sculling, volleyball, basketball, beach volleyball, and crew (and that was all by Tuesday morning!). The announcers have sucked in EVERY single event.
If you don't have anything nice to say, become an Olympics sports commentator.
I'm not sure where they have gotten these sportscasters, but they're unreal. Why is it that a sports announcer doesn't simply announce what is happening on the court / field / playing surface? Why do they insist on adding their own commentary to the mix? It often just makes them sound mean and / or dumb. This year seems, to me, to be especially bad. Here are a few of my "favorite" quotes so far. Look for updates in the future! (*What kind of a dork am I?? I've been so flabbergasted by the things they've said, I sit with a notebook and a pen as I watch, just to write down the more rant-worthy items.)
During men’s gymnastics: "I knew the Chinese would either be great, or things would go really, really wrong." Seems like those are the only two possible outcomes to me. They are either good or they are bad...thanks for that comment, Captain Obvious.
Men's gymnastics, talking about one of the alternates who replaced one of the Hamm brothers: "You may be surprised to see him perform this well. Usually his performance looks more like this..." followed by a video of several clips of this particular gymnast falling and missing dismounts, etc. NOT a flattering video to say the least.
Women's softball: "In softball, you have to catch the ball, hit the ball and throw the ball." Thank you. I wasn't sure how the game was played.
Men's swimming, right before the 4 x 100 freestyle relay: "I've done the math a dozen ways, and the French win every time." Really?? Did someone forget to tell Jason Lezak that? He overcame a .82 second deficit to WIN. That was one of the most, if not THE most exhilarating Olympics moments I've ever witnessed.
Women's swimming, 100m backstroke: "Coventry was TERRIBLE on the finish! Terrible!" Come on, she's going to be reliving this moment for the rest of her life, does she have to hear your voice competing with the voice in her head talking about how bad she was? And are you forgetting that she is at the OLYMPICS??? Her "terrible" performance is about a million times better than the best performance of the vast majority of the world's population.
Men's gymnastics, rings: "I hope the guys from France took a picture of the scoreboard because after this rotation, they won't be on top anymore." Seriously rude and unsportsmanlike. I imagine a group of guys with a lot of beer saying that kind of stuff. Not a professional.
Men's gymnastics, parallel bars: "Wow! He has come to play!" Maybe it's just me, but I'm pretty sure that everyone is there to play and give it their all! It's the OLYMPICS, for pete's sake. Well, everyone except the U.S. men's basketball team...but that's a post for later...
Men's gymnastics, high bar: "Al, this is like fairy tale good!" 'Nuff said.
Voice over stock film footage of the Bird's Nest Stadium: "The Bird's Nest - where the world comes home to roost." Seriously? How lame are you? Trying to wax poetic but sounding like an idiot. I'm embarrassed for you, and so is your mom. (I know, I know...I was just rude there...I'm sorry...sort of.)
Men's basketball, U.S.A. vs. Angola: "That just exacerbates my point." Um, I think you mean that it emphasizes your point? Or proves? Or supports? Or enhances? It doesn't exacerbate your point. You exacerbate me.
In Steel Magnolias, Olympia Dukakis said, "If you don't have anything nice to say, come sit next to me." I think these sportscasters have taken this to heart. The only problem is, I don't want that negativity tainting my Olympic experience and offending my delicate sensibilities. I didn't invite you into my living room to be rude.
Please take the time to praise and compliment these athletes who are amazing. They are at the Olympics for crying out loud! That in and of itself is incredible! If someone doesn't perform as well as they usually do, perhaps it's because the level of competition has increased exponentially? We are watching the best athletes in the entire WORLD competing here. Cut 'em a little slack. Except for U.S.A. men's basketball...say what you'd like about them.
Tuesday, August 12, 2008
Hallmark cards rock, pt. 5
Here's the fifth installation of Hallmark cards that I like. You can see the first installation here, the second one here, the third one here, and the fourth one here.
This card makes me giggle. For those of you who know me, you'll understand why.
This card makes me giggle. For those of you who know me, you'll understand why.
This one just speaks for itself, I think.
I can totally see my mom saying something like this. And she wouldn't have tea...she'd have tequila in her teacup!
This, too, speaks for itself. I try to look for bargains at the store, especially lately...everything seems so expensive. But I think I could spring for the extra $0.17. If it were for someone special that is.
Monday, August 11, 2008
Milk will make it better
Last Thursday J and I went with some friends (Wall-E and his family) to Big Pines Recreation Area to float the Yakima River. There is a great section of the river that flows about four miles an hour, with several camping areas available. Unfortunately, there was no running water again, so guess what that meant? If you guessed vault toilets, you were right. Sigh. I brought my own toilet paper and hand sanitizer again. Looks like we'll never camp without it again.
Anyway, we took the coolest tent ever and went for the night. It was supposed to be a short trip: we got there Thursday, planned to go on a four hour float on Friday, and then we were going to pack up and head back home. Well, they were going back to the Tri-Cities, but J and I decided to continue westward to the old home front near Vancouver. C is almost done with her summer session, and has come home for a minute. I thought that since J was taking Friday off anyway, we could make the most of the weekend and go see his folks and C. Plus, Mom and Dad H. are still babysitting Sam the Beagle. Who could pass up an opportunity to see him?
Anyway, J and I arrived at Big Pines later than everyone else. He had to work most of the day, but was able to leave a little early. When we got there, we got the tent set up and then headed out for a short river float. I’m really glad we did that, because our short trip got cut even shorter because of foul weather.
Our evening float was awesome. It was still hot outside (it was about 93 degrees when we arrived, and by the time we got on the river, it was probably still in the upper 80s), and the river was a bit chilly. The combination of the two made for a rather pleasant experience. We tied our floats together and set off. We left Wall-E in the trailer with his Grandma, but his sisters, mom and dad, and grandpa were with J and I. It was a nice time.
Anyway, J and I arrived at Big Pines later than everyone else. He had to work most of the day, but was able to leave a little early. When we got there, we got the tent set up and then headed out for a short river float. I’m really glad we did that, because our short trip got cut even shorter because of foul weather.
Our evening float was awesome. It was still hot outside (it was about 93 degrees when we arrived, and by the time we got on the river, it was probably still in the upper 80s), and the river was a bit chilly. The combination of the two made for a rather pleasant experience. We tied our floats together and set off. We left Wall-E in the trailer with his Grandma, but his sisters, mom and dad, and grandpa were with J and I. It was a nice time.
Wall-E’s sisters are taking a hunter’s safety course with their dad so they can go hunting later this fall. Much of the float was spent saying things like, “Hey, look! Can you see that deer? It’s over there, by the rocks. Still can’t see it? It’s over by that sage brush right above the train tracks.”
Umm, hello? Did you notice that ALL of Eastern Washington is sage brush, rocks and railroad tracks? No, I can’t see it. And apparently I’m the only idiot who can’t. But thanks for pointing that out.
About forty-five minutes later, we were at our campground again, and we managed to get back to shore. That water moves fast! We got a truck, put all the floats in it, and went back to the campsite. We built a fire, had some s’mores, and then called it a night.
It was not too hot, and not too cool. It was a perfect evening, except for all the bugs. The bugs were insane. I skipped the wussy deet-free bug spray and went for 100% deet. It didn’t stop the bugs at all. I didn’t get bit, but they sure were buggin’ me. (I crack myself up sometimes…)
J and I had purchased a battery-powered fan for the coolest tent ever, and it worked great. It has foam blades, so it’s not scary to sleep right under it, and it really worked well. Right after we went to bed, it sounded like it was starting to sprinkle, so I asked J to make sure our towels and other items were under the tailgate so they didn’t get wet. He reached his freaky long arms out and moved stuff around. When he laid down again, he said, “It’s not raining. That’s bugs trying to get in to our light.” Gross.
In the morning, I was up early and started to put stuff away. I wanted to make sure we had everything packed so we could hit the road as soon as we were done with our float. Unfortunately, it started to rain. It was hot out, and muggy. I was annoyed. When I was a kid, we always used to camp in Eastern Washington because my mom told us it didn’t rain over here. Yeah, right. It rained so much Friday morning, that we all were huddled in Wall-E’s family’s trailer, waiting for it to clear. It not only didn’t clear, it got worse.
When we get storms in Eastern Washington during the summer, they are almost always accompanied by thunder and lightning. That morning, the thunder clap was so loud, it sounded like a sonic boom right outside the trailer. The storm was right on top of us. It was kind of scary. Wall-E’s 12-year-old big sister, Kooky, was a bit frightened by the thunder. Wall-E told her, “It’s okay, Kooky, it’s okay.” Kooky said, “No, it’s not! Thunder and lightning are scary!” Wall-E was sill concerned about his big sister, so he got up and walked over to her. He held out his milk cup and said, “Milk will make it better!” and waited for her to take a drink. Once she did, she asked for a hug, too. Wall-E said no, and went back to his seat. Apparently milk is the secret, and hugs aren’t necessary.
The rain lasted so long, that we weren’t going to have time to do our float, so we admitted defeat, and packed up to go home. Once we were totally packed, and getting ready to get in the car, the rain stopped. Satisfied that she won, Mother Nature cleared right up and the drive over the mountain to the old homestead was beautiful.
Next time we go, you should come with us. Just bring some extra towels and a waterproof camera! I forgot to buy one, or I would have taken more pictures. As it is, I only got this one picture of Wall-E checking out the coolest tent ever and laying down for a quick cat nap with J. But I melt every time I look at these two photos...so I'm okay with not having more!
Sunday, August 10, 2008
Games we play
J is a smart man. Most of the time. There are some days, though, that I wonder what he was thinking.
Case in point, a night about five years ago.
We had recently moved into our house, we had just gotten our first cat, Zoe. She was the cat he didn't want, but I convinced him we needed. Now, I'm pretty sure he likes her more than he likes me.
It was a school night, so I was in bed at 10 p.m. I think I was asleep by 10:02. (It was the beginning of the school year and I was exhausted.) J was still up playing video games. A little after midnight, he walked down the hall and into the bedroom. He turned on the light and asked, "Where's the cat?"
Are you serious? I have no idea where the cat is. I've been sleeping for two hours, dude! Suffice it to say, I was mad.
But revenge was to be mine.
He won't admit it, but anyone who knows J can tell you that he's a bit obsessive compulsive. It doesn't interfere with his daily life, but it can be a bit annoying at times. For example, he has a series of "checks" that he does before he turns on the car. During the winter, it's not too bad. During the summer, I won't get into the car until he has it turned on. It's too hot to sit in the car while he's patting himself down and looking at all the mirrors.
Some of his "checks" don't really bother me. They actually make me feel safer. Every time we leave the house he double checks to make sure all doors are locked, windows closed, and lights and appliances off. He does the same thing every night before he goes to bed. Without fail. And, he doesn't just glance at the doors, he will unlock and relock them just to make sure.
A few days after he woke me up to ask me where the cat was, I waited up in bed until J came in. I heard him walking around the house checking the locks and shutting everything down for the night. I didn't say a word to him as he got into pajamas, turned off the light, checked and rechecked that his alarm was set, settled into bed and turned off his lamp. Once he was completely settled into bed, I leaned over to kiss him goodnight and said, "Did you lock the front door?"
I was laughing so hard I cried as he glared at me, humphed and threw the covers back. He stomped through the house and went through the checks again. See, the thing is, he KNEW he had locked the door. But because I had put that teeny tiny seed of doubt in his mind, he also knew he wouldn't be able to go to sleep until he went and double checked.
Yeah, I'm kind of mean like that. Revenge is sweet.
Case in point, a night about five years ago.
We had recently moved into our house, we had just gotten our first cat, Zoe. She was the cat he didn't want, but I convinced him we needed. Now, I'm pretty sure he likes her more than he likes me.
It was a school night, so I was in bed at 10 p.m. I think I was asleep by 10:02. (It was the beginning of the school year and I was exhausted.) J was still up playing video games. A little after midnight, he walked down the hall and into the bedroom. He turned on the light and asked, "Where's the cat?"
Are you serious? I have no idea where the cat is. I've been sleeping for two hours, dude! Suffice it to say, I was mad.
But revenge was to be mine.
He won't admit it, but anyone who knows J can tell you that he's a bit obsessive compulsive. It doesn't interfere with his daily life, but it can be a bit annoying at times. For example, he has a series of "checks" that he does before he turns on the car. During the winter, it's not too bad. During the summer, I won't get into the car until he has it turned on. It's too hot to sit in the car while he's patting himself down and looking at all the mirrors.
Some of his "checks" don't really bother me. They actually make me feel safer. Every time we leave the house he double checks to make sure all doors are locked, windows closed, and lights and appliances off. He does the same thing every night before he goes to bed. Without fail. And, he doesn't just glance at the doors, he will unlock and relock them just to make sure.
A few days after he woke me up to ask me where the cat was, I waited up in bed until J came in. I heard him walking around the house checking the locks and shutting everything down for the night. I didn't say a word to him as he got into pajamas, turned off the light, checked and rechecked that his alarm was set, settled into bed and turned off his lamp. Once he was completely settled into bed, I leaned over to kiss him goodnight and said, "Did you lock the front door?"
I was laughing so hard I cried as he glared at me, humphed and threw the covers back. He stomped through the house and went through the checks again. See, the thing is, he KNEW he had locked the door. But because I had put that teeny tiny seed of doubt in his mind, he also knew he wouldn't be able to go to sleep until he went and double checked.
Yeah, I'm kind of mean like that. Revenge is sweet.
Saturday, August 9, 2008
Wipeout!
J and I were watching television together Tuesday evening. I was waiting for Big Brother to come on at 9, and he was waiting for the new episode of Eureka at the same time. From 8-9 we watched a show called Wipeout! Have you seen this show? It's ridiculous. As far as I can tell, the whole purpose of this show is to complete these ridiculous stunts that are nearly impossible.
Who on God's green earth would willingly subject themselves to this craziness? I mean, honestly, the name of the show is Wipeout, people. What do you think the goal really is? That's right. To capture awesome and painful wipeouts on camera.
It's unreal the things these people subject themselves to. What has this world come to? I love reality television, but this is ridiculous.
Tuesday the episode was the "Wipey Awards" show. They were showcasing some of the more amazing wipeouts contestants have experienced over the season. Let's just say that there is no limit to the lengths people will go to just to win a little money.
Who on God's green earth would willingly subject themselves to this craziness? I mean, honestly, the name of the show is Wipeout, people. What do you think the goal really is? That's right. To capture awesome and painful wipeouts on camera.
It's unreal the things these people subject themselves to. What has this world come to? I love reality television, but this is ridiculous.
Tuesday the episode was the "Wipey Awards" show. They were showcasing some of the more amazing wipeouts contestants have experienced over the season. Let's just say that there is no limit to the lengths people will go to just to win a little money.
Friday, August 8, 2008
'Stina!!
Can I tell you how much I love the way little kids try to say my name?? When I was in the seventh grade, I started babysitting for a little boy named Nick. He was three. His older sister is my one of my sister T's best friends. She is about nine years older than her brother, so when I babysat, it was just for Nick, even if his sister was home. As most older siblings do, Nick's older sister took great pleasure in tormenting and teasing her little brother. The very first time I babysat for Nick, his sister was home. She told him to clean up his toys in the living room or she was going to get the vacuum out and suck them all up.
Nick was apparently afraid of the vacuum cleaner, and freaked out. He hurled himself across the room and onto my lap (remember, we had just met about twenty minutes before), screaming and crying. He kept reapeating, "Help me, Tatina! Tatina, help!!"
For the next few years, that's how Nick's family referred to me: Tatina. How cute is that?
My cousin Kirk and Andy, a friend of the family, used to call me Tina, but that didn't last long. For the last fifteen years or so, I've just been plain old Kristina. Boring.
Until recently, that is. My friend's son, let's call him Wall-E (he LOVES that movie!), turned three in May, and for the last six months or so, he's been saying my name. When I walk into the room, Wall-E's eyes light up, he smiles, and says, " 'Stina!"
Oh, my goodness. How cute is that? A few times, he's actually said, "Kristina" but I don't encourage that at all. 'Stina is way cuter.
Speaking of cute, check Wall-E out! He's gonna be a heartbreaker for sure!
Nick was apparently afraid of the vacuum cleaner, and freaked out. He hurled himself across the room and onto my lap (remember, we had just met about twenty minutes before), screaming and crying. He kept reapeating, "Help me, Tatina! Tatina, help!!"
For the next few years, that's how Nick's family referred to me: Tatina. How cute is that?
My cousin Kirk and Andy, a friend of the family, used to call me Tina, but that didn't last long. For the last fifteen years or so, I've just been plain old Kristina. Boring.
Until recently, that is. My friend's son, let's call him Wall-E (he LOVES that movie!), turned three in May, and for the last six months or so, he's been saying my name. When I walk into the room, Wall-E's eyes light up, he smiles, and says, " 'Stina!"
Oh, my goodness. How cute is that? A few times, he's actually said, "Kristina" but I don't encourage that at all. 'Stina is way cuter.
Speaking of cute, check Wall-E out! He's gonna be a heartbreaker for sure!
Thursday, August 7, 2008
Happy Birthday, Mom!
I suck. Today is my mom's birthday, and I did not send her a card. I'm going to call her, of course, but she won't have a card to open. Damn. I've been trying to be better about remembering to do that kind of stuff early. I hate living so far away sometimes. I have known her birthday was coming up for a long time. I've even discussed possible gift options with J. We just kept putting it off, though, because this day seemed so far away.
Well, here it is, and I'm the worst daughter ever.
In an effort to make up for my lack of preparation, I'm going to include a list of 58 things I like most about my mom. (Anyone want to guess why 58?)
1. She loves me.
2. She loves J.
3. She is interested in my boring school stories even when nobody else is.
4. She thinks I'm funny.
5. She gives great hugs.
6. She loves my sisters.
7. She can't remember the punchline to a single joke. You can tell her the same jokes over and over, and she's like a brand new audience. Every single time.
8. She helped plan and pay for my wedding.
9. She always wanted us to bring our friends over when we were younger.
10. She once bought 12 boxes of corn flakes so my sisters and I could get free "Duck Tales" bags.
11. She cleaned the litter boxes last time she came to my house.
12. She loves to surprise people.
13. She will still help do my laundry when she visits here, or I visit there.
14. She used to let us use a "You are Special Today" plate on our birthdays.
15. She is generous.
16. She once asked for a "litter box" instead of a "little box" in a restaurant.
17. She has a great sense of humor.
18. She gives great advice.
19. I look just like her. Just fatter.
20. She taught me to play cribbage.
21. She is the kindest person I know. If you need something and she's able to give it to you, she does it.
22. She is sympathetic.
23. She loves to laugh.
24. She loves cats.
25. She called my friend and arranged to surprise me with a visit on my birthday one year.
When we arrived at the play we were going to, my mom was standing on the sidewalk in front of the theater.
26. She taught me how to be a nice person.
27. She loves me.
28. She loves J.
29. She loves my sisters.
30. She loves to spend time with me and my sisters.
31. She is programmed to tell stories three times. Once for each of us. Unfortunately she doesn't always tell each daughter - one of us usually gets the same story twice and one gets left out.
32. She will talk to anyone. Even the clerk at the grocery store.
33. She taught me to share.
34. She is proud of me.
35. Education is important to her. She went back to college when I did. She graduated a month after me.
36. She likes to have fun.
37. After the divorce from my dad, she took care of us by herself while working and going to school full time.
38. She is predictable.
39. She gives great medical advice.
40. She is brave.
41. She gets a kick out of e-mail jokes. She prints them out to share with people.
42. I get my gift of gab from her.
43. She's always ready for an adventure.
44. She has learned how to use the computer. She knows just enough to be dangerous.
45. She considers everyone family. When J and I are visiting her, we like to be able to see J's sister C, too. She goes to school in Seattle. My mom has extended an open invitation for C to come over whenever, even if J and I aren't there.
46. She's creative.
47. She will stay up late and watch stupid television with me.
48. She wants me and J to live closer to her so she can see us more often.
49. She loves me.
50. She loves J.
51. She loves my sisters.
52. She listens to me vent my frustrations.
53. She is one of my best friends. I can tell her anything.
54. She is not judgmental.
55. She is protective of me and my sisters still.
56. She stopped giving me haircuts.
57. She's funny.
And reason number 58: She's my mom and I love her.
Happy Birthday, Mom!!
Well, here it is, and I'm the worst daughter ever.
In an effort to make up for my lack of preparation, I'm going to include a list of 58 things I like most about my mom. (Anyone want to guess why 58?)
1. She loves me.
2. She loves J.
3. She is interested in my boring school stories even when nobody else is.
4. She thinks I'm funny.
5. She gives great hugs.
6. She loves my sisters.
7. She can't remember the punchline to a single joke. You can tell her the same jokes over and over, and she's like a brand new audience. Every single time.
8. She helped plan and pay for my wedding.
9. She always wanted us to bring our friends over when we were younger.
10. She once bought 12 boxes of corn flakes so my sisters and I could get free "Duck Tales" bags.
11. She cleaned the litter boxes last time she came to my house.
12. She loves to surprise people.
13. She will still help do my laundry when she visits here, or I visit there.
14. She used to let us use a "You are Special Today" plate on our birthdays.
15. She is generous.
16. She once asked for a "litter box" instead of a "little box" in a restaurant.
17. She has a great sense of humor.
18. She gives great advice.
19. I look just like her. Just fatter.
20. She taught me to play cribbage.
21. She is the kindest person I know. If you need something and she's able to give it to you, she does it.
22. She is sympathetic.
23. She loves to laugh.
24. She loves cats.
25. She called my friend and arranged to surprise me with a visit on my birthday one year.
When we arrived at the play we were going to, my mom was standing on the sidewalk in front of the theater.
26. She taught me how to be a nice person.
27. She loves me.
28. She loves J.
29. She loves my sisters.
30. She loves to spend time with me and my sisters.
31. She is programmed to tell stories three times. Once for each of us. Unfortunately she doesn't always tell each daughter - one of us usually gets the same story twice and one gets left out.
32. She will talk to anyone. Even the clerk at the grocery store.
33. She taught me to share.
34. She is proud of me.
35. Education is important to her. She went back to college when I did. She graduated a month after me.
36. She likes to have fun.
37. After the divorce from my dad, she took care of us by herself while working and going to school full time.
38. She is predictable.
39. She gives great medical advice.
40. She is brave.
41. She gets a kick out of e-mail jokes. She prints them out to share with people.
42. I get my gift of gab from her.
43. She's always ready for an adventure.
44. She has learned how to use the computer. She knows just enough to be dangerous.
45. She considers everyone family. When J and I are visiting her, we like to be able to see J's sister C, too. She goes to school in Seattle. My mom has extended an open invitation for C to come over whenever, even if J and I aren't there.
46. She's creative.
47. She will stay up late and watch stupid television with me.
48. She wants me and J to live closer to her so she can see us more often.
49. She loves me.
50. She loves J.
51. She loves my sisters.
52. She listens to me vent my frustrations.
53. She is one of my best friends. I can tell her anything.
54. She is not judgmental.
55. She is protective of me and my sisters still.
56. She stopped giving me haircuts.
57. She's funny.
And reason number 58: She's my mom and I love her.
Happy Birthday, Mom!!
Wednesday, August 6, 2008
Say that again??
About two weeks ago, I was crazy and drove from Kennewick to Renton and back in one day just so I could buy two dressers from IKEA. *For those of you "non-Washingtonians" that's about a three and a half hour drive each way...if you're lucky and those no traffic. And c'mon, when is there no traffic in Seattle? Never. I LOVE those dressers, and it was totally worth the trip, so I'm not complaining. I just want to tell you about something hysterical that happened on that trip.
My dear friend, who is really a hero because she volunteered to drive with me so I didn't fall asleep while driving and kill myself and millions of others, wishes to remain nameless in this story. She did give me permission to tell it to you, though, as long as I didn't reveal her true name so let's call her...Batman.
I picked up Batman at about 6:45 a.m. and we hit the road. Traffic on our side of the state was pretty much non-existent at that hour in the morning, so even though I was late picking Batman up, we made pretty good time.
Our first stop of the day was Federal Way to see my mom who had just returned late the night before from Honduras. When we got to my mom's house, my sister was up and working on putting the finishing touches on her garage sale display (we were there Thursday, and her garage sale was Friday / Saturday). I chatted with her for a bit and then headed upstairs to wake up my parents.
Mom came downstairs to visit with us and show us pictures from her trip. After about an hour and a half, it was time for us to continue on our journey to IKEA. We still had to go there, and then we were going north to Redmond to the Microsoft campus where Batman's beautiful, funny, and smart daughter works. Batman loves her daughter, but she kept telling me if we didn't have time we didn't have to go. She could see Batgirl soon. I told Batman she was crazy, and to quit being so darn nice. If we were going as far as Renton, it was pretty much a requirement to see Batgirl. It was only a few minutes extra, and besides, she was forced to sit through the travelogue at my mom's house. (Disclaimer: I enjoyed sitting there looking at the pictures. But I wanted to see them and hear about my mom's trip. Batman was just along for the ride. She had no obligation to be subjected to vacation pictures. She was great, though, and asked a lot of questions and oohed and aahed over the pictures in all the right places. She's a good woman, that Batman.)
So we finally left my mom's house and made it to the IKEA. With surprisingly little trouble, might I add. Unfortunately, in addition to having the bad habit of falling asleep at the wheel, I am also directionally challenged. (Thank goodness for the internet and MapQuest!) My choice of co-captain for this trip was excellent in the keeping-me-awake-so-I-don't-kill-myself-and-millions-of-others department. It was not great in the make-sure-I-don't-get-lost department because Batman suffers from the same directionally challenged affliction I do, though not nearly to the same degree. She, too, MapQuested before I picked her up, so we were set.
When we got to IKEA, we started wandering, following the little arrows on the floor (IKEA was prepared for the likes of us!) around the massive, ginormous store. Amazingly, I found the exact dresser I wanted pretty quickly. Batman found a few things she was looking for as well. Being the good Batmom she is, she got Batgirl some dish towels for her kitchen. She got Batboy some new silverware for "The Dupe" (duplex) where he lives with Batfriend. (Previously unmentioned in this post, Batboy, like his sister, is also smart, funny, and sweet. Batmom and Batdad did a great job with their Batkids!) She also got a new lamp for the Batcave cabin.
We were pretty pleased with our finds, and decided to use one of the shortcuts to the warehouse to avoid unnecessarily subjecting ourselves to more crowded displays. We had everything we wanted and more, we just had to get the dressers from the warehouse.
When we found the display, I was unhappy to see that the sign said the dressers were $299. On the internet, they were advertised for $279. I quickly decided I was buying them no matter what, but vowed to ask the cashier about the price difference. Forty bucks is a decent chunk of change.
Once we got to the checkout area, there were pretty long lines. I scanned the room and found one line that wasn't long at all! There was only one person in it, and she was moving up to the register right then. I couldn't believe my luck! I ALWAYS get stuck in the long line. I have some sort of internal radar that allows me to find the longest line. Or the slowest line. Or, most often, the longest AND slowest line. Yeah, I'm lucky that way.
Guess what? That short line I found? Yeah, it was the longest and slowest, even though there was only one person ahead of me. Apparently, the woman ahead of me had carefully stacked about thirty bazillion small individual items in front of her three large bulky items so I couldn't see them. Oh, and everything was glass or scratchable, so the cashier had to wrap each item individually in paper. Can I pick a line or can I pick a line? Unfortunately, by the time I realized that I had been suckered into this line, about half of the known free world had arrived at checkout at the same time, and I couldn't switch lines because the others were even longer than they had been originally. Batman and I were stuck. She zoomed through self-checkout and then came to stand in line with me, her paid-for purchases in hand.
When I finally got to the front of the line, I asked the sales clerk about the price difference on the dressers. She looked at me and said, "I don't know. I'm going to have to find a manager. This is only my second day on the job." Nice.
So, the hunt for the manager ensues. After about ten minutes, no joke, there has still been no manager located, but we did find two other sales clerks who told my newbie that she could look it up on the internet herself, verify the price difference, and then fill out a form. Then she just needed a manager to come over and sign the form, and type some secret code into the computer so that I could save my $40. Sounds easy, right?
Apparently this was her second day on the job, but her first time using the internet. Batman volunteered to stay with my purchases and sent me along with the newbie clerk to make sure that she did indeed find the right dresser online. As it turns out, the computer with internet access was just a few lanes away from where Batman and I had been standing in our own private hell. I was able to see Batman, but was far enough away that I could not talk to her. So, after about 15 more minutes of slow torture, I pulled out my phone and texted Batman. I texted her the following message: "Sorry!! This is getting ridiculous!"
She read the text, looked up and nodded her head. Batman agreed. I could see it in her face. She then turned away and started working on a reply text message. Batman is also an English teacher, so she too spell checks her texts before she sends them...usually.
Imagine my surprise then, when I received the following message: "Holy bras!!"
When I finally made it back over to Batman and my dressers, where we had to wait for a manager to come over and give me the $40 off, I asked her what she meant by her message. She explained that as she was typing in the message to me, someone else was calling her phone at the same time. She hit send before she proofread and thought she had sent me some random letters. She meant to send me a message that said, "Holy crap!!" I showed her the message, and she burst into laughter. We determined that because she was using the T9 (or word) mode, "crap" and "bras" involve the exact same key combination, so the phone thought she was typing the word bras instead.
Holy bras, indeed.
My dear friend, who is really a hero because she volunteered to drive with me so I didn't fall asleep while driving and kill myself and millions of others, wishes to remain nameless in this story. She did give me permission to tell it to you, though, as long as I didn't reveal her true name so let's call her...Batman.
I picked up Batman at about 6:45 a.m. and we hit the road. Traffic on our side of the state was pretty much non-existent at that hour in the morning, so even though I was late picking Batman up, we made pretty good time.
Our first stop of the day was Federal Way to see my mom who had just returned late the night before from Honduras. When we got to my mom's house, my sister was up and working on putting the finishing touches on her garage sale display (we were there Thursday, and her garage sale was Friday / Saturday). I chatted with her for a bit and then headed upstairs to wake up my parents.
Mom came downstairs to visit with us and show us pictures from her trip. After about an hour and a half, it was time for us to continue on our journey to IKEA. We still had to go there, and then we were going north to Redmond to the Microsoft campus where Batman's beautiful, funny, and smart daughter works. Batman loves her daughter, but she kept telling me if we didn't have time we didn't have to go. She could see Batgirl soon. I told Batman she was crazy, and to quit being so darn nice. If we were going as far as Renton, it was pretty much a requirement to see Batgirl. It was only a few minutes extra, and besides, she was forced to sit through the travelogue at my mom's house. (Disclaimer: I enjoyed sitting there looking at the pictures. But I wanted to see them and hear about my mom's trip. Batman was just along for the ride. She had no obligation to be subjected to vacation pictures. She was great, though, and asked a lot of questions and oohed and aahed over the pictures in all the right places. She's a good woman, that Batman.)
So we finally left my mom's house and made it to the IKEA. With surprisingly little trouble, might I add. Unfortunately, in addition to having the bad habit of falling asleep at the wheel, I am also directionally challenged. (Thank goodness for the internet and MapQuest!) My choice of co-captain for this trip was excellent in the keeping-me-awake-so-I-don't-kill-myself-and-millions-of-others department. It was not great in the make-sure-I-don't-get-lost department because Batman suffers from the same directionally challenged affliction I do, though not nearly to the same degree. She, too, MapQuested before I picked her up, so we were set.
When we got to IKEA, we started wandering, following the little arrows on the floor (IKEA was prepared for the likes of us!) around the massive, ginormous store. Amazingly, I found the exact dresser I wanted pretty quickly. Batman found a few things she was looking for as well. Being the good Batmom she is, she got Batgirl some dish towels for her kitchen. She got Batboy some new silverware for "The Dupe" (duplex) where he lives with Batfriend. (Previously unmentioned in this post, Batboy, like his sister, is also smart, funny, and sweet. Batmom and Batdad did a great job with their Batkids!) She also got a new lamp for the Batcave cabin.
We were pretty pleased with our finds, and decided to use one of the shortcuts to the warehouse to avoid unnecessarily subjecting ourselves to more crowded displays. We had everything we wanted and more, we just had to get the dressers from the warehouse.
When we found the display, I was unhappy to see that the sign said the dressers were $299. On the internet, they were advertised for $279. I quickly decided I was buying them no matter what, but vowed to ask the cashier about the price difference. Forty bucks is a decent chunk of change.
Once we got to the checkout area, there were pretty long lines. I scanned the room and found one line that wasn't long at all! There was only one person in it, and she was moving up to the register right then. I couldn't believe my luck! I ALWAYS get stuck in the long line. I have some sort of internal radar that allows me to find the longest line. Or the slowest line. Or, most often, the longest AND slowest line. Yeah, I'm lucky that way.
Guess what? That short line I found? Yeah, it was the longest and slowest, even though there was only one person ahead of me. Apparently, the woman ahead of me had carefully stacked about thirty bazillion small individual items in front of her three large bulky items so I couldn't see them. Oh, and everything was glass or scratchable, so the cashier had to wrap each item individually in paper. Can I pick a line or can I pick a line? Unfortunately, by the time I realized that I had been suckered into this line, about half of the known free world had arrived at checkout at the same time, and I couldn't switch lines because the others were even longer than they had been originally. Batman and I were stuck. She zoomed through self-checkout and then came to stand in line with me, her paid-for purchases in hand.
When I finally got to the front of the line, I asked the sales clerk about the price difference on the dressers. She looked at me and said, "I don't know. I'm going to have to find a manager. This is only my second day on the job." Nice.
So, the hunt for the manager ensues. After about ten minutes, no joke, there has still been no manager located, but we did find two other sales clerks who told my newbie that she could look it up on the internet herself, verify the price difference, and then fill out a form. Then she just needed a manager to come over and sign the form, and type some secret code into the computer so that I could save my $40. Sounds easy, right?
Apparently this was her second day on the job, but her first time using the internet. Batman volunteered to stay with my purchases and sent me along with the newbie clerk to make sure that she did indeed find the right dresser online. As it turns out, the computer with internet access was just a few lanes away from where Batman and I had been standing in our own private hell. I was able to see Batman, but was far enough away that I could not talk to her. So, after about 15 more minutes of slow torture, I pulled out my phone and texted Batman. I texted her the following message: "Sorry!! This is getting ridiculous!"
She read the text, looked up and nodded her head. Batman agreed. I could see it in her face. She then turned away and started working on a reply text message. Batman is also an English teacher, so she too spell checks her texts before she sends them...usually.
Imagine my surprise then, when I received the following message: "Holy bras!!"
When I finally made it back over to Batman and my dressers, where we had to wait for a manager to come over and give me the $40 off, I asked her what she meant by her message. She explained that as she was typing in the message to me, someone else was calling her phone at the same time. She hit send before she proofread and thought she had sent me some random letters. She meant to send me a message that said, "Holy crap!!" I showed her the message, and she burst into laughter. We determined that because she was using the T9 (or word) mode, "crap" and "bras" involve the exact same key combination, so the phone thought she was typing the word bras instead.
Holy bras, indeed.
Tuesday, August 5, 2008
Hallmark cards rock, pt. 4
The fourth installation of Hallmark cards I like. You can see the first installation here, the second here, and the third here.
I can see me and my sisters in thirty years doing this... I'm hoping we'll look better, though!
This is what I want to say to my skinny friends...on a daily basis... (Leah...Laurie...)
Sometimes a picture is just worth a thousand words...
This is another one of those English teacher cards. I can't tell you why it's funny, it just is. I laugh EVERY time I open this one up.
This is another card my sister L sent me for the heck of it. I think she sent the same one to our other sister, T. It's perfect because it not only is funny on it's own, the phrase "your turn" has a double meaning for L, but let's just leave it at that, okay? All I can say is my sister is definitely not a delicate flower... (I love you, L!)
I can see me and my sisters in thirty years doing this... I'm hoping we'll look better, though!
This is what I want to say to my skinny friends...on a daily basis... (Leah...Laurie...)
Sometimes a picture is just worth a thousand words...
This is another one of those English teacher cards. I can't tell you why it's funny, it just is. I laugh EVERY time I open this one up.
This is another card my sister L sent me for the heck of it. I think she sent the same one to our other sister, T. It's perfect because it not only is funny on it's own, the phrase "your turn" has a double meaning for L, but let's just leave it at that, okay? All I can say is my sister is definitely not a delicate flower... (I love you, L!)
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