If you don't have anything nice to say...

Do you want to know what the worst part of the Olympics is? It's not the smog that covers the entire city of Beijing. It's not the crazy events like epee, synchronized diving, and badminton. It's not the media's obsession with Michael Phelps, Dara Torres, and Misti May-Traenor and Kerri Walsh. It's not even the way overdone, overhyped opening ceremonies. No, the worst part about the Olympics is the color commentary by the announcers. Seriously. So far I've watched softball, badminton, boxing, swimming (LOTS of swimming), men's gymnastics, soccer, water polo, synchronized diving, bicycling, sculling, volleyball, basketball, beach volleyball, and crew (and that was all by Tuesday morning!). The announcers have sucked in EVERY single event.

If you don't have anything nice to say, become an Olympics sports commentator.

I'm not sure where they have gotten these sportscasters, but they're unreal. Why is it that a sports announcer doesn't simply announce what is happening on the court / field / playing surface? Why do they insist on adding their own commentary to the mix? It often just makes them sound mean and / or dumb. This year seems, to me, to be especially bad. Here are a few of my "favorite" quotes so far. Look for updates in the future! (*What kind of a dork am I?? I've been so flabbergasted by the things they've said, I sit with a notebook and a pen as I watch, just to write down the more rant-worthy items.)

During men’s gymnastics: "I knew the Chinese would either be great, or things would go really, really wrong." Seems like those are the only two possible outcomes to me. They are either good or they are bad...thanks for that comment, Captain Obvious.

Men's gymnastics, talking about one of the alternates who replaced one of the Hamm brothers: "You may be surprised to see him perform this well. Usually his performance looks more like this..." followed by a video of several clips of this particular gymnast falling and missing dismounts, etc. NOT a flattering video to say the least.

Women's softball: "In softball, you have to catch the ball, hit the ball and throw the ball." Thank you. I wasn't sure how the game was played.

Men's swimming, right before the 4 x 100 freestyle relay: "I've done the math a dozen ways, and the French win every time." Really?? Did someone forget to tell Jason Lezak that? He overcame a .82 second deficit to WIN. That was one of the most, if not THE most exhilarating Olympics moments I've ever witnessed.

Women's swimming, 100m backstroke: "Coventry was TERRIBLE on the finish! Terrible!" Come on, she's going to be reliving this moment for the rest of her life, does she have to hear your voice competing with the voice in her head talking about how bad she was? And are you forgetting that she is at the OLYMPICS??? Her "terrible" performance is about a million times better than the best performance of the vast majority of the world's population.

Men's gymnastics, rings: "I hope the guys from France took a picture of the scoreboard because after this rotation, they won't be on top anymore." Seriously rude and unsportsmanlike. I imagine a group of guys with a lot of beer saying that kind of stuff. Not a professional.

Men's gymnastics, parallel bars: "Wow! He has come to play!" Maybe it's just me, but I'm pretty sure that everyone is there to play and give it their all! It's the OLYMPICS, for pete's sake. Well, everyone except the U.S. men's basketball team...but that's a post for later...

Men's gymnastics, high bar: "Al, this is like fairy tale good!" 'Nuff said.

Voice over stock film footage of the Bird's Nest Stadium: "The Bird's Nest - where the world comes home to roost." Seriously? How lame are you? Trying to wax poetic but sounding like an idiot. I'm embarrassed for you, and so is your mom. (I know, I know...I was just rude there...I'm sorry...sort of.)

Men's basketball, U.S.A. vs. Angola: "That just exacerbates my point." Um, I think you mean that it emphasizes your point? Or proves? Or supports? Or enhances? It doesn't exacerbate your point. You exacerbate me.

In Steel Magnolias, Olympia Dukakis said, "If you don't have anything nice to say, come sit next to me." I think these sportscasters have taken this to heart. The only problem is, I don't want that negativity tainting my Olympic experience and offending my delicate sensibilities. I didn't invite you into my living room to be rude.

Please take the time to praise and compliment these athletes who are amazing. They are at the Olympics for crying out loud! That in and of itself is incredible! If someone doesn't perform as well as they usually do, perhaps it's because the level of competition has increased exponentially? We are watching the best athletes in the entire WORLD competing here. Cut 'em a little slack. Except for U.S.A. men's basketball...say what you'd like about them.