I'm not nice

Most of my life I have considered myself a nice person. Not so much recently. I don't know if it's a lack of sleep, old age, or that I'm just tired of always being nice. I am afraid I am becoming mean, and I've been obsessing over it.

These are the things that have been on my mind lately. I'll let you decide if they make me mean or not:

1. I get annoyed with stupid people. Annoyed to the point I want to hit something (or someone).

2. I don't like to be interrupted when I am talking, yet I do it to other people all the time now. I don't always mean to do it, but it's like a sickness and I can't stop it. Yet I hate it so much when it happens to me that I fall silent until the other person notices I'm not talking anymore. I won't even respond to what they interrupted me to say.

3. If you don't do it my way, you are doing it wrong. (Refer to #1.)

4. I don't want to ask you more than once to do something. If you don't understand me, ask for clarification. However, if you agree to do it, then, for crying out loud, do it. And do it the right way. (See #'s 1 and 3.) Don't forget. Don't agree to do it if you don't intend to do it.

5. I am impatient. Hurry up already.

6. Mind your manners. Say please and thank you. If you don't, I will dismiss you as selfish, rude, and poorly raised.

7. Own your behavior. Don't make excuses and don't lie. If you screwed up, we can deal with it. Don't waste my time by telling me some stupid story. Like Judge Judy says, if it doesn't sound truthful, it isn't.

8. Just because I am not confrontational doesn't mean you can run over me. Eventually I will break. And it won't be pretty.

9. I do my job, and I do it well. That does NOT mean I am interested in helping you do your job. Figure it out. I am tired of making excuses for your gross ineptitude. I am no longer going to enable you. If you don't know how to control your class, perhaps you should reconsider your career. (Refer to #1.)

10. On that same note, I am tired of listening to you complain about your job. Life sucks. Jobs are hard. I happen to love my career. If you don't like yours, it's your own damn fault. Get a new job. And stop complaining about the one you have.

11. Quit complaining in general. I want to be a nice person again, and all your complaining is pissing me off. (Refer to #1.)

12. I don't like to feel guilty for doing my own thing. I should be able to teach whatever classes I want without feeling like I am letting you down. Why do I have to do something I don't really want to do in order to make you happy?

13. I have enough problems of my own. If we are close friends, feel free to talk to me about your problems. If we are merely acquaintances, I don't really give a damn. Don't mistake my smile as interest - it's discomfort because I don't want to hear about your problems but don't know how to tell you without being rude.

14. Speaking of rude people - I've been told that it's best to turn the other cheek, and I've always done that in the past. I'm tired of turning the other cheek, though. Figure out a way to say it politely or don't say it at all. If you're rude to me, expect the same treatment back from this point forward. My cheeks need a break.


So, that's all I can think of right now. But I think it's a lot. I'm afraid I am losing my grip on my Pollyanna outlook on life, and I want it back. There are too many cynical people in this world already.

Maybe a week of Spring Break will be enough to recharge / refresh my attitude. I hope so because it seriously needs adjusting right now.