From the mouths of babes...

I know, cliche title. But it's so perfect. One of the perks of my jobs is listening to kids talk and reading their writing. They are so funny, even when they don't mean to be. I'll periodically add to this post when funny things happen. Here is just a small sampling of my favorites. Many of them are from my own classes, but some are from my friends' classes and they're too good not to share.

1. Mrs. H - Today we are going to read a satire. Can anyone tell me the definition of satire?
Senior - Isn't that like a diamond or something?”

2. Mrs. H - Okay, at the beginning of Hamlet, who is trying to invade Denmark?
Students - (imagine crickets chirping and rolling tumbleweeds in the silence…)
Mrs. H - Remember? From Norway? Prince Fortinbras??
Student A - “What did you say? Prince Fourteen Bras?? What kind of name is that?”
Student B - “You took the words right out of my mouth.”

3. Student who is working on a science worksheet about organisms - Mrs. W?? Do you know what an orgasm is?
(LOUD laughter from the class.)
Student - OH!! I mean ORGANISM!!

4. From an ELL student's alphabet book about my reading class:
Q = Quite – Quite, because the class was almost but never quite.
(I'm pretty sure he meant quiet, but the typo is too cute!)

5. From an ELL student's alphabet book about my reading class:
O = Outstanding – Outstanding because some students outstand some other students.
(Can you just picture them standing around like flamingos?)

6. Mrs. S - Can anyone tell me the definition of satire?
Senior - Isn’t it something that you wear?
Mrs. S - I think you’re thinking ‘attire’.

7. A senior and a self-proclaimed "fat kid" writing about a kid who beat up on his little brother. He thought that if he couldn't hit his own brother, nobody else could. So he chased the kid down and “with my cow like reflexes, I sat on top of him. He tried struggling, but my own dad had troubles lifting me for very long.”

8. A senior writing a poem about her most embarrassing moment – wetting herself on the swim block before a race. She is a state and nationally ranked swimmer, as was her older sister. At one of her first races for the school, her sister wouldn’t let her go to the restroom before her race, because she was afraid she would miss the start

She just wouldn’t let me pee
It wasn’t so great the first time I had to swim eight.
I didn’t know what to do, but just dive into the blue.
I really had to pee, but my sister wouldn’t hear my plea.
I tried to ignore, but the pressure just built up more.
By the time I was on the block, it really wasn’t much of a shock.
Next time those girls hear my plea, they better just let me pee.

9. A senior sharing a story about his devious past - When I was in kindergarten, I was standing with a group of boys and someone farted. One of the boys said "You said a bad word. You said a 'f' word!" Then I said,"Fart isn't a bad word! F*&%, is a bad word!"

10. Same senior as in #9- When I was in elementary school, I went to a private Catholic school. About once a week we had to go to chapel. I hated that. I couldn't think of a way out of it, though, until the day I peed on Jesus. (He relieved himself on a statue outside the chapel...it worked! In fact, not only did he get out of chapel for the week, he managed to pee himself right out of school for a few days!)