Bah Humbug!

I hate Halloween. I know that Bah Humbug is more of a Christmas saying, but I LOVE Christmas.

I HATE Halloween.

There is very little that I like about the holiday. Wait, on second thought, there is only one thing that I like about Halloween: seeing cute babies dressed up in cute costumes! That's it. The one and only redeeming quality about the whole stupid holiday.

I feel bad that I hate it as much as I do, but I can't help the way I feel. The only reason I have this guilt about hating Halloween is that J loves it. In fact, I just asked him, "J, which do you like better, Christmas or Halloween?"

He said, and I quote, "Christmas has better gifts and better food, but Halloween is more fun. Especially when you get to scare the *snot* out of people. Plus it's kind of fun to see the different costumes." (*Word edited to protect my readers' delicate sensibilities. I think you can fill in the blanks.)

So you can see why I feel bad. I want to participate and share in the things that my husband likes. I play video games with him (the LEGO series is amazing!), I watch a lot of movies I normally wouldn't see, I watch sports with him, I go to rock and gem shows with him. I'll even go to the sporting goods store with him, or, if I'm in an especially kind mood, the hardware store. Halloween is where I draw the line, though.

For the last few years we've gone to my friend's house for a pumpkin carving party, but J does all the carving. I just go to socialize with my friends and to hang out with J. He gets really into it, too, and does intricate / detailed carvings. He's done neat stuff. I wish I had taken pictures. I think the coolest one he ever did was George Bush. It really looked like him, too! (J doesn't just cut out chunks of pumpkin, he does the shaving and shadowing stuff, too.) We took it to a friend's house, put it on her porch after dark, lit the candle, and then drove off. I called her from the car and told her to open her door to see something scary. That was fun. He's also done a cool one of the Tasmanian Devil. This year he chose a Transformer's theme. In the light it doesn't look like much, but when it's dark, it's pretty cool!

I wish I could be more enthusiastic about this, but I just can't. Yet another reason we should have children: so J can make a big deal about the holiday and have an appreciative partner in crime. I'm not against other people liking the holiday, I just can't.

Last year, I listed 10 reasons why I hate Halloween.

Here's this year's list.

10. Pumpkin guts stink.

9. I hate to answer the door unless I am expecting someone. I don't like opening it to the unknown. And don't tell me to just look out the peephole. I don't have one. I don't even have a window near the front door. It truly is the unknown.

8. Scary stuff sucks. I see no reason to celebrate vampires, monsters, or gory injuries. Yuck. Double yuck. Eww.

7. I don't need a reason to have candy in my house. If I buy candy I like, I eat it. If I buy candy I don't like, I eat it. I don't need it in my house.

6. The colors orange and black are not attractive together. Separately each has its own merits. Together though? Nobody looks good in those colors.

5. It's a hassle to carve a pumpkin and have to clean it up. Then, unless you do it the night before, the stupid things always start to rot and look icky before Halloween night.

4. If you choose not to dress up, people make stupid comments all day long. "Oh!! Your costume is SOOOO scary / hideous / funny!!! Where did you get it?" Thanks, jerk.

3. Grownups use it as an excuse to get together and drink. If you want to drink, do it. You don't have to put on a stupid costume to have a reason to get together with friends.

2. I always hated going door to door selling stuff. Halloween always feels suspiciously like that. Only instead of asking people to buy something from you, you're asking them to buy something for you.

And the number one reason why I hate Halloween?

1. I still hate dressing up, and I still hate to be scared.