Tagged

Awhile back, I entered a quilt giveaway on Toni's blog. I didn't win unfortunately, but she has since been to visit my blog and has tagged me. I'm supposed to reveal seven secrets about myself.

1. I am very ambitious, but don't follow through very often. For example, look at the rag quilt projects I envisioned. On the day I bought the fabric for the first quilt, I bought enough for two quilts. I finished the first one in less than 24 hours. It was the sock monkey quilt, and it is super cute! The other fabric is Christmas fabric, and I'm still not done with it. I thought last weekend I would sit down and finish, but I didn't. I got two more rows sewn together, but that's it. I don't have the will power to sit down and power through to finish. I hate this about myself, but still haven't figured out a way around it. I know in theory how to fix this problem, but it's easier said than done.

2. I am a rule follower. ALWAYS. It makes me intensely uncomfortable to break the rules. All rules. It doesn't matter where I am or what I am doing, I have this compulsion to do it "right." A good example of this happened just this week. I was in Denver with my principal and some colleagues for a conference. The first day was not going as well as we had envisioned. We thought we were going to get much more time to work together in teams, but the facilitator kept having us break up and go meet with other people. Towards the end of the afternoon she told us to find a partner to discuss something, and my colleagues agreed to just step out into the hall and talk as a group on our own. I couldn't bring myself to do it. I followed directions and found my partner and fumed silently about the time we were wasting that I could have been spending with my group. Then, later that afternoon, it was time for questions and answers. We didn't have any questions, so we decided to just cut out early and go find a quiet place to sit and chat. I didn't feel good about it, but I did it anyway. My boss was encouraging it, so I didn't feel like it was too bad, right? Well, the next day we get back to the conference and found out that we had missed a "homework" assignment. Ack! I was unprepared! I looked around the table and told my group, "THIS is why I follow rules!"

3. I love hanging out with people, but I am intensely awkward and self-conscious. I don't know what to say or what to do around people I don't know very well. Especially at my house. I always wish I could be the perfect hostess, but I'm just not. Not even when family comes around. I either feel like I'm doing too much or not enough. It just never feels right.

4. I never quite feel good enough. I'm always afraid that people don't like me. Or that I've done something to offend someone. I have always wished for the ability to read minds. I'm never convinced that what someone says on the surface is entirely genuine. Which is odd because I am the exact opposite with people: they can trust what I've said. I don't have the ability to lie, so I don't try. Two of my friends have told me that the quality they like most about me is that I am so genuine: what you see is what you get. Maybe that's why I worry about others? I'm not sure where this low self-esteem issue comes from, but I've dealt with it my entire life. Little things bother me, too. Silly things. Like seeing my name disappear from other people's blog rolls. I want to know why, but I don't want to ask. Especially because, really, in the whole scheme of things, it doesn't even matter. The small things don't define me, so why do I let them bother me so much?

5. I like to believe that I am independent, but I'm really not. Other than in college in the dorms, I've never lived by myself. I went from my parent's house, to college, then back to my parent's for student teaching, then to J's apartment. Then we got married and bought a house together. I can run errands by myself, but I'd always prefer some company. When J went on a three week business trip a few years ago, I hated being by myself for that long. Next weekend there is another football game for Southridge (they are undefeated and ranked 4th in the state last I heard!), and J has plans already to hang out with his friends. I'm already thinking about who I can go to the game with because I want to go, but I don't want to go alone. How pathetic is that?

6. I always feel frumpy, no matter what. The only day I've truly felt beautiful was on my wedding day. It doesn't matter how put together I am, or how sloppy I am, I always feel like I look frumpy. I'm not sure what it is I'm missing. I think it's some sort of inner confidence?? I can have a great outfit, and still feel blah...

7. I'm really a positive person. Contrary to the last six items which, honestly, are sort of downers, I consider myself to be optimistic and positive. In fact (I think I may have told you this before, but bear with me), when J and I were dating, his mother referred to us as Winnie the Pooh and Eeyore. J is often cynical and pessimistic and I am the opposite. We are a good balance for each other most of the time. I tend to see the glass as half full most of the time, even without trying. When I find myself being negative, I try to balance it with positive thoughts.